


My Favorite Color is You

by rinskiroo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Baze and Chirrut adopted Rey, F/M, Family, Married Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, Meet the Family, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey is sunlight, This is very AU, Unreliable Narrator, people are alive who should be dead, people are dead who should be alive, writer hopes she remembered which is which
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-10-25 02:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17716142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinskiroo/pseuds/rinskiroo
Summary: People keep telling him the best is yet to come, but Poe's not sure that's true.  Things are different now--he's different.  These days, his life is full of academic deadlines, cram sessions, and long, long train rides to and from university.  Sometimes, the train feels like the bane of his existence, but it has its bright spots, like the woman who owns the hat he accidentally stole, and her cactus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deejaymil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deejaymil/gifts).



> Thank you so much to my dear friend, Dee, who told me this story about how she saw a girl on a train with a cactus who was asleep and almost missed her stop and then let me write about it. This story goes a lot of places that I had very little control over, but it's a story about anxiety and about not being confident in yourself--things that are very real for me and for many of my friends and I'm sure for some of you, too. Like Poe, I hope we all find that Rey of sunlight in our lives to help us through. <3
> 
> Thank you also to my dear friend, Taff, who beta'd this for me! Your cheerleading and support means the world.

Poe had two essays due that week.  Five thousand words and two graphs with six sources for his class on post-war reconstruction.  The second was smaller: three thousand words, two sources, but it also had to be presented in front of the mock Senate.  His was a case against scaling down military forces after the Concordance.  That one terrified him.  It was an unpopular opinion even the company of Populists, doubly so because it came from the son of war fighters, who was also an ex-fighter pilot.

Then, the next week was stuffed full of readings, mock quizzes, and making flashcards for final exams.  Poe couldn’t fathom why he had picked up a full load of classes right out of the gate.  And politics?  He wasn’t even sure he liked the Senate all that much.  After a semester of burying himself in studying the institution, he was ready to throw up his hands and run as fast as he could back to the family farm.

He took a long, deep breath as he stared at the detailed lists on the tablet in his hands.  “You can do this,” he whispered to himself.

As the train slowed on its approach to the next station, Poe glanced up to catch the grumpy looking older man next to him look away.  Poe thought he probably shouldn’t talk to himself on the train.  In an effort to deflect, he dug around in his bag, searching blindly for his headphones, but came up short.

“Damn,” he muttered as he remembered exactly where they were—sitting on his desk.  He had dumped out his bag to find his favorite stylus, then got caught up reorganizing his entire room, and had left the headphones on the desk.

“Uh—sorry,” a woman’s voice above him said.

Poe watched as a pair of ripped blue leggings, tucked into scuffed brown boots, scooted around him and found a place to sit several seats down on the opposite side of the car.  He swallowed his groan and didn’t look up at her.  Just like the old man, she was probably giving him a weird look for talking to himself on the train.

It’s not like this was a problem unique to him— _lots_ of people talked to themselves on the train.  That wasn’t to say it was a healthy thing to do.  But it wasn’t odd.

As the train started moving again, Poe flicked his finger across the datapad and clicked on the icon of his friend Finn’s face.

**[is it odd that I talk to myself on the train?]**

**[yes.]**   Finn’s reply was quick and succinct.

The train from Hosnian University to the house he shared with Finn, Finn’s girlfriend Rose, and her sister Paige was an hour on a good day.  An hour and half if trains were running late—which, despite being the capital of the Republic, seemed to happen often.  It was a long, long journey, especially without his headphones.  There’d be people having their own weird conversations he didn’t want to listen to, but couldn’t help overhearing.  Then the kids who didn’t understand what inside voices were and others playing their music too loud.  Poe leaned his head back against the window and sighed.

At the next stop, the grumpy old man next to him got off and more passengers shuffled about the car.  Poe caught sight of the woman he’d accidentally sworn at.  She had messy brown hair tucked up under a tan knit cap, glasses with a strip of tape in the middle, and she was holding a cactus.

Poe blinked.

**[is carrying a cactus on a train odd?]**

**[why do you have a cactus?]**

Poe ignored Finn’s question and decided his time was better spent reading his coursework than texting his friend about the people on the train.  He ran his finger across the text, highlighting what he thought would be the important bits.  It ended up being most of the article.  When he looked up and blinked his eyes after staring at the screen for too long, he realized the train was making good time.  Only three stops left and the car had mostly emptied out.  His stop was second to last at the end of the line before the train would head back the other way into the city center.

On a city commuter, he recognized one or two of the faces still in the car, though he really didn’t pay much attention, or care.  The woman with the cactus, however, he would have remembered her if he’d seen her before.  Or maybe she only made an impression this time because of her potted plant.  Her cap had slipped off her head and was sitting on her shoulder, she had one earbud in her right ear and the other hanging down, and she seemed to be singing to her cactus.  Humming, really, not loud enough to be heard, but her lips were moving and she was tapping her foot rhythmically.

Poe realized he was staring at the exact moment she looked up and also caught on that he was, in fact, one of those creepy guys on a train.  He quickly looked back at the device in his hands and furiously started tapping.  Nonsense filled the note margins, but it didn’t matter—he was obviously very busy with his schoolwork and definitely not staring.

At the next stop, he glanced up to see if the woman and her cactus had moved, but they hadn’t.  It was the same at the one after.  Poe shoved his datapad back into his bag and pushed it onto his shoulder in anticipation of his station, while trying not to think too hard on the fact that the woman was also getting ready to get off the train.  He stood as the train slowed down, gripping the handhold until it stopped.  He shuffled to the door on the opposite end of the woman with the cactus, though he couldn’t help taking one more glance at her as the train doors slid open.

Oh no.

Her hat must have fallen off her shoulder and then onto the seat and she hadn’t noticed.  It laid abandoned on the garish orange bench.

Poe started to raise his hand to point and say something, but she was out the doors before he could get a sound out.  Though he had one foot on the platform, he dashed back into the car, snatched up the discarded hat, and barely made it out before the doors shut.  The track attendant blew his little whistle at Poe, his arm jerking back and forth to wave him away from the train.

“Sorry,” Poe muttered and quickly walked away.  He looked frantically around at the smattering of people moving about the platform, but he didn’t see her.

He hurried down the steps, but the walkway split off heading to either the main lobby of the station or other connecting platforms.  Another look at the crowds, now increasing as he moved further into the station, and he still didn’t spot her.  Poe gripped the cap in his hand and chewed on the inside of his cheek.  He had some random woman’s hat—now what?

He shoved it into the pocket of his jacket and headed home.

“Where’s the cactus?” Finn asked after Poe walked through the door.

“What?” Poe responded, almost in a daze as he dropped his bag to the floor and shrugged off his jacket.

Finn gave him a look up and down, probably realizing his friend was exhausted and slapped him on the shoulder.  “Never mind.  Paige is making dinner.”

“It’s not too spicy is it?  Last time she cooked, it was like a Death Star going off in my bowels.”

“Stop being a baby, Dameron!” Paige shouted from the kitchen.

“I like spicy,” Poe told Finn, as if he had to defend himself.  “Paige gets crazy with the peppers.  It’s assault what she does with food.”

“I heard that!”

“Don’t worry, Poe,” Rose said with a smile as Finn and Poe made their way into the dining room.  “I made her make a not-so-spicy plate for you.”

“It’s heresy,” Paige declared as she put the large bowl of noodles and vegetables on the table.  She left and then returned with a plate made especially for him—obviously less red than the main dish.

“Thanks, Paige,” Poe said as he reached for a fork.

“Wait!” Rose nearly shrieked as she threw her hands out to stop him.  “You have to say one good thing that happened today.”

Both Poe and Paige groaned.  They had different opinions on food, but they both agreed that Rose’s positivity plan was becoming tiresome.

“ _Do it_ ,” she commanded, pointing her fork at both of them.

“I’ll start,” Finn offered while dumping a healthy portion of the food onto his plate.  “All of the guys in my shop showed up to work today and there were no accidents.  Made enough to pay rent on time.  _And_ I got to come home to my best girl, and you two.”

Paige made a gagging motion while Rose beamed at Finn.  “None of my kids ate glue today, so I guess that’s a win.  Poe, you should come by sometime, since you and the little urchins share the same palate.”

“Paige—”  Finn was always the first to jump in to have Poe’s back, and he appreciated that.  It just didn’t seem worth it after a while.  Paige was always going to be acerbic towards him, which he didn’t understand, and Rose was always going to be making excuses for her.

Like now, as Rose put her hand over Finn’s to stop this from escalating.  “Poe?” she prodded, now with a forced grin.  “How about you?”

Nothing.  Literally nothing good had come of today.  He was up at dawn to catch the train.  It was raining and he stepped in a puddle so his left shoe and sock were wet most of the day.  His classes were long and there were the looming reminders of all the deadlines coming up.  He had packed a sandwich, but it had managed to slip down to the bottom of his bag and became a squashed mess by the time lunch rolled around.  And then, on the train ride home, he’d realized he’d forgotten his headphones taking away the one hour he’d set aside for relaxation.  Instead, he’d studied and tried not to look at a woman with a cactus.

And he realized her hat was still in his jacket pocket.  Now he was a thief, too.

The three of them were all staring at him waiting for an answer.  Rose with her faux enthusiasm, Finn with his wincing, second-hand embarrassment, and Paige with her sarcastic eye-roll.  He looked down at the plate of food in front of him.

“Paige made me food and remembered I have the spice tolerance of a human baby, so there’s that.”

“Great!” Rose exclaimed, her voice just a pitch too high.  “Let’s eat!”

“Finally,” Paige said and fell into her chair.

Like most meals that they managed to eat together, which wasn’t _that_ often, thankfully, Finn and Rose dominated the conversation between each other.  To their credit, they did try and get Paige and Poe involved, but Paige was usually on her datapad and Poe just wanted to finish eating and get back to his studies.  However, it was his turn to clean up tonight which made hiding away in his room that much further away.  Rose stayed to help clean up, and Poe appreciated it, but he knew she was doing it to try and make up for Paige’s antics.

“There’s a bunch of leftovers, so I put the not-spicy noodles into a separate container.  Maybe you can take it with you tomorrow for lunch?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.  Thanks, Rose,” Poe said as he went through the motions of drying the clean dishes and stacking them back in the cupboards.

 

Poe forgot his noodles the next day.  But he did remember his headphones, so he counted that as half a win.  Luckily, he had just enough left on his meal account for a piece of fruit and a bagel.  That was the last of his entitlement for the month, though.  He needed to be a bit more frugal for the next few days until the Navy deposited the next cheque.

It was a pittance, really.  Barely enough to live on.  They paid for his school, but not the licenses for the texts or other supplies.  There was a cost of living allowance, but Poe would have to live on Jakku or some other dumpy planet for that meager sum to cover all his expenses from housing, to train fare and food.  It did not go very far on the galactic capital, to say the least.

Not to mention the Centrists were always trying to cut everyone’s benefits.  One more thing Poe had to worry about—if he could even afford to finish this stressful academic path he’d chosen.

“Don’t want to be a farmer—not a farmer,” Poe told himself again.  Not that he minded helping his father out back at home, but he did _not_ want to do that for the rest of his life.  The same exact thing, over and over, everyday?  It’d drive him crazy.  Like actually crazy, not the sort of overworked, stress-induced crazy school did to him already.

Thankfully, it was a short day.  It was either go home and take the chance that the house was empty and he’d be able to study in peace, or go to the library and take that chance that someone wasn’t loudly chomping on their food near him (which happened more often than he thought it should).

Poe yawned.  At least accidentally falling asleep in his bed was better than on a library table.

The train ride was slow.  Lots of stopping and starting again, which Poe hated.  It made him tighten his grip on the handhold and alternate between pinching his eyes shut and staring intently at anything outside the window.  Slow as the ride was, Poe barely noticed the passage of time.  He had his headphones planted securely on his ears and an eclectic selection of the last thirty years of greatest hits playing loudly.  He kept his head bobbing, the beat running through his boots, and tried to take himself away from this aggravating train ride.

Finally, it was his stop.  Poe was so deep in that music cloud, floating away to someplace distractingly better, he almost ran straight into someone getting on the train while he was getting off.  His first grumbling thought was that they should have waited—always wait for people exiting the train before getting on.  He looked up at whoever it was to give them his most annoyed glare, but faltered.

“Oi, keep up now,” she chided him as she moved past.  Her arms clutched around the pot in her hands as she moved to the other side of the train and frowned at him as he stepped out the door.

In a rather confused daze, though Poe wasn’t entirely sure why, he stared at her as the doors started to close.  Then it smacked him right in the forehead.

“Oh, I have your—” as he reached into his jacket pocket to pull out her discarded knit cap, the train pulled away “—hat.”

Poe sighed and stuffed the item back into his pocket.  When his head dropped, he spotted the charming presents the strange woman had left him.  With two fingers, he pinched the cactus quill out of his sweater and flicked it off onto the train tracks.

“What is with the cactus?” he mumbled to himself and walked to the station exit.


	2. Chapter 2

It was always something.  Couldn’t ever have just one day where he remembered everything and life didn’t cascade into a steaming pile of bantha feces.

It was one of the long days where he had an early lecture and a late lab.  The sort of day that started before the sun was up and he was on the first train before the morning rush hour commute.  Usually still half-asleep, it was a struggle to remember to pack enough food for the entire day, along with all of his supplies, and other necessary items.  He’d make a list, but then he’d have to remember to look at the list before dragging himself out of the house.

Today at least, he found a couple credits abandoned in the seam of the train seat so he bought a cup of caf—first customer of the day from the campus café.  The morning went by well enough, but around lunch time things started to turn.  Breakfast was so far away and during his morning study group, his stomach started to protest.  Poe was thankful they decided to wrap up early and he found a nice patch of grass under a shaded tree in nearby Constitution Park.

Poe took out his datapad and hooked up his headphones to listen to some study notes for the upcoming finals while he ate.  It was the leftover noodles from two days ago—Paige’s not-so-spicy blend with some now rather limp vegetables.  The budget insulation of his food container hadn’t kept his noodles warm, but he was starving.  They were likely still edible, even if cold noodles and limp vegetables weren’t exactly appetizing.

He dug around in his bag, looked in pockets—maybe it had ended up tucked in with his extra socks, somehow?  He couldn’t possible have forgotten it.

Poe sighed.  His fork was missing.

He looked at his container of lunch and debated how much of a slob he was willing to be for some food.  No fork, spork, spoon, or any other eating utensil.  No napkin, either, so if he ate it with his hands (which he really, really didn’t want to do), he’d have to wipe them on his clothes.  He still had two more classes and a lab for the day.  Using his clothes as a napkin was not an option.

He tried sticking his face up to the bowl and slurping the noodles off the top, but he only managed to get a few without smearing the sauce on his face.  He also couldn’t quite get the vegetables between his teeth.  And he really didn’t want to look like some animal trying to slorp his meal out of a bowl.

With a tired grumble, Poe shoved the container down into his bag and trudged back towards the university.  On the way, he stopped at a sandwich shop to see if they had any disposable utensils, but was chased off by an angry Nautolan with a broom telling him he had to buy something first.

Poe committed the place to memory and vowed to never buy anything there.  Even though it smelled amazing inside.

He slogged through the rest of the day in a hungry haze.

Relief came when his lab partner offered to split a packet of crackers as they pushed through the evening.  Poe wondered if it would have been better to say no—his stomach didn’t need to be reminded of what food was because it just kept demanding more.

“Thanks for help with those equations, Poe,” his lab partner said after they had finished, sounding just as exhausted as he felt.

Poe nodded and waved, and headed out.  He’d gone into the building with the light of day, but now it was dark with the glow of street lamps and building lights.  He tried not to make the long trudge back home even longer by avoiding shuffling his feet on the walk to the station.

It was a crowded ride with the after-work commuters and the ones headed out for the city nightlife.  It cleared out a bit after a couple stops and Poe managed to squish into a seat, ready for the long haul towards the end of the line.  His stomach was still rumbling and he was exhausted, but at least he had his headphones and could count the stops until he was near his bed.

Dozing off on the train wasn’t something he enjoyed doing, though he could feel his eyelids getting heavy.  It always gave that annoying twinge in his neck and there was the constant fear of how annoyed he’d be if he slept through his stop.  Poe also preferred to be aware of his surroundings, not because he thought something would happen, but something _could_ , and he should be ready.  For whatever that was.  He supposed it was just an old holdover from the Navy.  Something he should have learned to relax out of, but the feeling was comforting, in a way.

The girl with the cactus showed up at some point, though she was missing her potted friend.  Poe wasn’t sure if he should keep referring to her as the girl with the cactus when she now no longer had one.  He wasn’t entirely sure when she got on either—it was like she had just appeared there, sitting on the bench across and slightly down from him.  Probably on a different car, or something.  It didn’t matter.  He couldn’t figure out why he was still thinking on it.

Poe went back to his music and flipping through practice questions on his datapad.  Occasionally, he glanced back over at the girl without her cactus.  She was asleep with her head cocked to the side and her brown hair falling out of the bun hanging loosely off the side of her head.  Her arm was looped inside her bag—more like a sack, really.  It was made out of multi-colored patches and looked like she was carrying around some sort of electronics with cables hanging out the top and bottom.

He blinked and went back to his own work.

At the stop before his, he looked back over at the woman and she was still asleep.  The train had mostly cleared out as they were nearing the outer limits of the metro area.  Poe shoved his datapad back into his bag and wondered if she’d wake up before they made it to their stop.

Maybe if he thought really hard at her.  Poe winced as the train zipped down the track, racing towards their destination.  Maybe it wasn’t her destination today?  Maybe she had to go just a bit farther?  He probably shouldn’t worry about it.  It wasn’t really his business.  But he’d feel awful if she missed her stop and had to come back the other way.  What a waste of time and energy.  And maybe she had some place to be?

The train was getting closer and closer to the station.  They passed the big box store that sold reasonably priced lunch sets.  Then the large arcade.  A used speeder dealership.  The train was starting to slow now.  Poe grabbed onto the bar and got to his feet, slinging his bag over his shoulder.  Maybe he’d just go and stand near her and clear his throat loudly.  Or turn up his music and see if that jostled her out of the train-sway-induced sleep.

Poe shuffled over to her side of the car, and down towards the door she was sleeping next to.  Last few meters of track before the station.

“Uhm, excu—”

The woman scrunched up her nose and shook her head.  Her eyes blinked open and she had a rather disgusted look on her face.  “What’s that smell?” she groaned.

Poe looked down at his boots and the drip-drip coming out of his bag and landing on them.  He sighed.

“My lunch, I think,” he responded.  “This is the D-29 stop.”

“Oh,” she winced again and pulled her bag up onto her shoulder.  “Thanks.”

“Where’s your cactus?” Poe asked, because this encounter couldn’t possibly get any more awkward.

“My—oh.”  At first, she looked flustered at the sudden question, but then her pale lips curled slightly.  “He had a bit of a fungus, so I wanted to keep an eye on him.”

“Is he—it better now?”

“Yeah, all cleared up.”

“That’s great,” Poe said with a smile.  A rather forced smile—not that he wasn’t happy for the cactus she obviously cared about, but that this was an odd conversation to be having.  He didn’t particularly want to make an impression on her as being a weirdo with sour food leaking out of his bag, but there he was.

She nodded with a seemingly equal awareness of the awkwardness of the situation and kept nodding as the train came to a stop and the doors slid open.

Poe stepped onto the platform and tried not to make any further eye contact as he shuffled towards the exit.

“Hey!”  He turned abruptly towards her shout, though couldn’t believe she was actually still trying to talk to him.  “Good luck on your exams!”

There was another smile that wasn’t nearly as forced. “Thanks!” he called back and gave her a wave.

With a small laugh and a shake of his head, Poe turned back around as the crowds picked up on the way out.  He shoved his hands into his pocket and— _shit_.

“I have your—” but when he turned around again, he couldn’t find her.  Again lost in the sea of people on their way home “—hat.”

 

“What’s with you?  Good day?” Finn asked while Poe rinsed out his backpack in the sink.

“Terrible.”

“Then why are you whistling?”

Poe paused and thought about it.  Had he been whistling?  He shrugged.  “Looking forward to the semester being over.”

“Right,” Finn said, obviously not believing what his friend was saying.  “You eat yet?”

Poe frowned.  He had almost forgotten his stomach had started to consume itself with how hungry he was.  He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to completely forget about how he was literally dying just an hour earlier.  “No.  I’m starving.  My lunch spilled all over my bag.”

Finn chuckled and slapped him on the shoulder.  “Saved you some leftovers.  I’ll heat it up and you can tell me your one good thing that happened today.”

“Really?  Thought I dodged that by being late.”  Poe rung out the excess water and sniffed at the bag.  Hopefully it’d dry quickly and lose any damp smell, but at least the old food stink seemed to be gone.

Finn gave him a knowing smirk as he slid the reheated pastry in front of Poe and settled down in the seat across from him.

“I told you, my day was terrible.  I’ve been gone all day.  I didn’t get to have lunch.  I don’t think I’ll get my presentation done on time—”

“Come on, man.  One thing.”

Poe looked up at Finn.  They’d been friends for a long time.  Finn had seen him through some of the worst parts of his life when he didn’t think he’d make it through.  He had offered up his home when Poe wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it on his own and didn’t want to go back home to Yavin.  That alone was a good thing that happened to him every day, but Finn didn’t let him cop out like that.

“A cactus healed from a fungal infection.”

“A what now?”

Poe let out a laugh and sliced his fork through the flakey crust of the meat pie.  “There’s this girl on the train home.  She kept carrying this cactus.  Turned out it had some fungus, but it got better.”

Finn laughed and shook his head.  “All right, man.  I’m happy for that cactus.”


	3. Chapter 3

Today was the day.  It was time for the big presentation in front of the mock Senate that accounted for a majority of his grade.  He’d finished the post-Reconstruction essay the night before with two minutes to spare before the turn-in deadline.  That was one weight off his shoulders, but not the big one.  He had his notes prepared on his datapad—his entire speech ready to go, along with slides and graphs, all with sourced facts.  Facts that he hoped would at least get him through the firmly locked doors of anti-military bias.  He didn’t feel confident in it at all, but he just had to get through it.  Deliver the speech and don’t throw up.  He could do that much.

“I can do this,” he said out loud in the crowded morning commuter train.

“Yeah, I think so!” a cheerful voice agreed next to him.

Poe blinked.  He’d done the thing again where he was talking to himself on the train.  Usually he’d have to avoid the questioning glances or raised eyebrows of the other commuters.  He’d never gotten a response before, at least, not a cheerful, encouraging one.

He looked over and the girl with the brown hair in a messy bun who used to carry a cactus onto the train was leaning against the small section of wall between the bench and the door.  She had on the same black frame glasses with a strip of tape in the middle, but they were pushed up onto her forehead.  Her hands, clutching onto the railing, were wrapped in fingerless gloves sticking out of an oversized purple sweater.

“It’s a speech,” he told her, though not really sure why. “Really big grade.”

“I’m sure you’ve got it,” she said with a bright smile.  “Just, you know, take some deep breaths and try to relax a little before you pop a vein.”

He frowned at her, incredulous as to how only breathing was going make his report magically better and his audience instantly like him.  The post-trauma counselor had said that, too—to just breathe.  He breathed all the time; didn’t make any of it better.

“I’ll help take your mind off it—at least for this train ride.  What do you say?”

Her smile was infectious.  The way her eyes squinted and lips pulled back revealing large, white teeth.  He couldn’t help but smile back at her and nodded slightly.

“I’m Rey,” she said, introducing herself.  She pushed slightly off the wall and stuck her hand out to him.

“Poe,” he replied and shook her hand.  The skin on her fingers was rougher than he thought it would be—calloused like someone who worked hard.  It wasn’t really what he expected.  “You live around D-29?”

“Yeah, out near the pick-n-pull.”

“Oh, there’s that flower shop across the street, right?  You work there?” he asked, remembering her cactus. (How could he forget the cactus? Honestly.)

“I help out sometimes.”

“Like babysitting a cactus?”

“Yes.”  Again with that sunbeam of a smile.  “What are you studying?”

“Uh, the Senate, politics and law.”

“Fun,” Rey said with a raised brow.

He let out a small laugh and shook his head.  It really wasn’t all that fun.  He wasn’t even sure if this was what he wanted anymore.  The semester had been rough and seriously made him question if he wanted to keep living in the Galactic Core, or move back home to the Outer Rim.

“I used to be a pilot,” he told her.  Again, unsure why he was volunteering extra information to this stranger.  He rarely told people unless they outright asked if he had been in the military.  It had been a large part of his life, and for the most part, it _had_ been fun.  He felt like she should know that he wasn’t always this nervous politics student.  He used to be something more.

“Used to?” she asked, obviously quite interested in that tidbit.

“Oh, you know, I did my time.  Four and out.”

Her brown eyes flitted across his features curiously, but her expression didn’t change.  She still smiled at him, and if she suspected he was lying, she didn’t challenge him on it.  “I’ve done a few simulations,” she told him.  “Always wanted to get out there and try it for real.”

“Real thing’s different than a sim,” he said, an amused quirk to his lips.

“Oh?  More difficult?”

Poe shook his head and grinned.  “Nah, but it’s better.”  For that split second, he missed it.

Rey’s smile grew and she laughed, and then the lights went out.

The sound of the brakes scraping violently against the track was the last thing his senses registered.  First, it was the darkness that set in like nightfall, but without the comfort of the stars.  Then, the sudden lurch forward that stopped his heart before it sped up to twice its usual rate.

Poe sat in his seat, too paralyzed to move.  Around him, the fire raged.  The sounds of creaking metal filled his ears.  In the distance, another explosion could be heard, another crash.

He couldn’t think of what to do.  Couldn’t call out for help.  Couldn’t escape.  The only thing that was there was the terror and the helplessness.

Someone was pulling on him, trying to wedge him free of the seat, but there was something in his eyes now.  He couldn’t see to make out what was happening.  It was better this way—he didn’t want to have to look at the violence coming his way.  At least for his comrades, it had been over quickly.

“Are you all right?”  A quiet voice somewhere in the distance managed to cut through the roar in his ears.

Hands pushed against him again, but differently this time.  It felt as if they were feeling for any damage—pressing to try and elicit some response.

“Poe?  Poe, it’s all right.  They’re evacuating the train now.”

“Train?” he asked, slowly fighting through the paralysis of the panic.

“Yeah, sounds like a speeder crashed into the track up ahead and damaged it.  They’re going to transport us to the next station and then we can get on another train.

“It’s okay, Poe.  You can let go now.”

There was a soft groan in the back of his throat as the present settled back firmly around him.  He had Rey clutched in his arms and pressed up against the wall of the train—shielding her.  There wasn’t any fire, no twisted metal, or smells of spent ordinance.  His back was sore, likely from being slammed into brace of the seating bench at the sudden stop.

One of the doors was hanging open, letting in the crisp winter air.  Sirens could be heard in the distance along with a tinny broadcast asking passengers to remain calm until the transport arrived.

Poe released her from his grasp and groaned again, this time more out of embarrassment than the sharp pain in his back.

“Are you okay?” she asked.  Rey looked worried, or maybe more than that—scared.  He didn’t want to make her feel that way.

“Yeah, probably be sore later.  It’s no big deal.  Sorry I crowded you there.”

“No, I—” she paused to catch her breath and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.  “I wasn’t holding on to anything.  I was about to go flying, but you caught me.  Thanks.”

They stood in mostly silence while they waited for the rescue transport that would ferry them to the next station.  Poe was thankful for the momentary quiet.  He needed the time to come back down from the sudden adrenaline high and talking about it always made it worse.  Rey did stand awful close, though.  She even casually touched his hand to help guide him towards the ramp they put between the train car and the speeder transport.

“I think I might just walk the rest of the way,” he told her after they were finally emptied out at the next station.  “It’s only two more stops.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you.  Want company?”

Poe was surprised she no longer looked rattled by the event, seeming to have completely regained her wits.  Not that she even really lost them.  Not like he had.  And he didn’t see any look of pity on her face.  She looked friendly, and kind.

“Don’t you have anything to do today?” he asked curiously, not sure if he should be taking up all of her time.

“Nah.  I was going to go check the lost and founds at the stations—lost my favorite hat.  But you look like you could use a friend.”

Poe blinked.  It took a second for his brain to catch up again.  He was stuck on how they were friends now and she was going to walk him to class.  He wasn’t really sure how that happened—maybe the part where he’d unintentionally (or intentionally, he wasn’t quite sure) stopped her from being thrown across the train car.  He shoved his hand into his jacket pocket and yanked free the tan knit cap—where it had been since he’d first seen her earlier that week.

Wow.  Had it really only been a week?

“Ah!  You found it!”

“Yeah, I picked it up off the seat.  I kept forgetting I had it until you said something.”

He held it out to her and with another one of her large smiles, she took it and pulled it snuggly onto her head.

“Why’s that your favorite?” he asked as they started walking down the crowded streets towards the university.

She shrugged slightly as she adjusted her glasses back on her face.  “Don’t laugh,” she said in mock warning.  “It’s my lucky hat.”

“Lucky?” he asked, holding back a chuckle.

“Yeah.  I find all the best stuff when I’m wearing it.  And look, you had it, and then you saved my life.  So lucky.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Poe said with a laugh.

“I told you not to laugh.”  She grinned and knocked her arm into his.

“Sorry,” he said, and could not stop smiling.

“Still nervous about your presentation?”

There was a nervous chuckle, as if to prove the point, and he nodded.  “I wasn’t, until you reminded me about it.”

“What makes you nervous about it?”

“Ah.”  Poe reached up and scratched at his head.  Which tweaked his back slightly and he bit back another groan.  “It’s just—people have their own opinions about what I’m presenting.  I’m going to challenge that and I dunno… I don’t want people to think I’m this war-crazed vet.  That I want us all out there fighting—I don’t.  I want us to be prepared, you know?”

“What does it matter what they think?”

“For one, they’re grading me, so…”

“Okay, point.  But they’re grading you, right?  So they should be looking at the quality of your research and argument and not their own biases.  And definitely not make assumptions about the person delivering the information.”

“You make a lot of assumptions about Hop U’s politics department,” Poe said with a smirk.

“You’re probably right.”  They stopped outside the building, finally having made the short trek through the streets to the campus.  “You can’t change people who don’t want to change.  All you can do is put the information out there.  Give your side of it, what you studied, what you learned, and then… the chips fall where they may.”

“That’s terrifying,” he told her.

“That’s life,” she said with a shrug.

Poe swallowed and nodded.  He took a step for the door and it slid open, waiting.  Before he went in, he turned and glanced back at her.  “Do you think maybe, if you’re not busy, you could sit and watch?  There’s a section for spectators.  You know, let me know how I did?”

Rey grinned and nodded and stepped forward with him happily, like she was hoping he’d ask.  “Of course!  I’m looking forward to being convinced of why the Concordance was a mistake.”

“I don’t think it was a mistake, I—”

“No,” Rey said holding up her hand.  “Save it for the Senate.  I am very interested in hearing your argument live.”

“Okay.”  Another grin, and for once, the belief sparked that maybe he _could_ do this.

Poe was the third to present.  A good position—not first so he could watch someone else do it and get used to the set up.  And not last to cap off the day and be the last thing they remembered.  The two in front of him had rather innocuous proposals and seemed to fly through them with ease.  It made him all the more fidgety and nervous.

When he got to the podium, he looked towards the seating in the back where there were a handful of people spectating.  Students from other classes, professors from other departments, relatives, and Rey.  She was easy to pick out in her tan knit cap and oversized purple sweater.  Everyone here looked professional in suits or Senatorial robes or ceremonial outfits from their home cultures.  Even Poe—his heavy winter coat was in the coat closet and he stood on the raised platform in the center of the auditorium set up to mimic the Republic’s Senate wearing a sharp blue suit with pinstripes.  It was the nicest piece of clothing he owned and a present from his father when he decided to go back to school after the Navy.

As he looked at Rey, she looked like she didn’t feel out of place.  He didn’t understand it, but she looked like she was completely comfortable being underdressed and fresh off a minor train mishap.  He felt ready to crawl out of his own skin, but she looked relaxed and encouraging.

Poe smiled at her before he started speaking.

He realized he’d probably be docked points for not making eye contact with those playing the part of the Senators he was supposed to be addressing.  Poe decided he wasn’t invested in changing their minds.  His assignment was to write a proposal and present it in front of the mock Senate—which he was doing.  He just wanted to tell Rey—the strange girl on the train, his new friend, the one who actually seemed interested in what he had to say.  Her opinion was now the only one that mattered.

At the end of it, he shook hands with his classmates, professors, and others present.  There was little feedback other than they thought he was quite passionate about the topic.  Final grades were still a couple weeks away—he wouldn’t know how he did until then.  At least now it was out of his hands.  Chips fall where they may.

“Well, I’m convinced,” Rey said with a smile as he collected his coat and bag.

“Really?”  He didn’t sound convinced of her conviction.

“I mean, biases out in the open: I come from the stance that the Empire was bad, will always be bad, and anyone who sympathizes with them should be punched in the nose and shunned forever.  But you’re right, the Republic is crippling itself with a minimalist defensive fleet.  Not to mention selling off the assets at auction which almost guarantees weapons of war end up in the hands of rogue elements.”

Poe looked at her, probably with some dumb grin on his face, and wished he could think of some excuse to spend a bit more time with her.  He’d already eaten up her whole day, but he wanted to do something normal, like ask her out to dinner.  However, despite his one fancy suit, Poe was broke.  She deserved more than that, he thought.

“Are you headed back?” she asked as they walked out of the building and back into the chilly winter air.

Poe was not keen on getting back on the train, but as previously stated, he was broke.  His train pass was part of his stipend; a cab all the way across town was not.

“I’m not really…” he trailed off, not exactly wanting to admit—well, anything.

“We could walk for a few blocks,” she offered, seeming to understand his discomfort.  “Trains are probably delayed because of the accident anyway.”

It took Poe three stops worth of walking before he admitted he couldn’t walk the entire way back to his house.

“It’s not the train,” he said quietly as they stood on the platform and waited for the next one on the schedule.  “It’s the sudden stop.  All that momentum, and then… nothing.”

“Did something happen?” she asked, mimicking his quiet tone.

“Yeah,” he drawled out and shook his head, nearly laughing.  “I can’t talk about it.”

Rey gave him a small smile and nodded, like she understood, but Poe knew that she didn’t.

They boarded the train and managed to find two seats next to each other.  Rey kept his mind from wandering too much by telling him about the junk shop she worked at and her volunteer work. (The flower shop, a homeless shelter, a bird rescue, sometimes she read books to kids at the local library.)

“Wow,” Poe said.  “I feel bad I took time out of your day.  How do you keep up with all of it?  I just go to school and it’s exhausting.”

“Don’t be!  I had a lot of fun.  It was a nice change of pace—and I got to see the university and a mock Senate.  It was quite entertaining.  And!  I got my hat back.”

In the shuffle of people getting on and off the train, a rather wide Mon Cal crammed themself in next to Rey, making her inch closer towards him.

“Sorry,” she said with a light chuckle.

“No, it’s fine.  I can stand,” he offered.

“It’s okay.  There’s room for both of us.”

Poe didn’t really think so, but he realized he didn’t mind.  She was kind, and smart, with a ridiculous amount of varied interests, and cute.  Not to mention quite warm pressed up against his side with her leg nearly covering his with how little space there was.

“Well, this is my stop,” she said as the train slowed down later on in their commute.

Poe had noticed that though the Mon Cal had disembarked several stops prior and the train had thinned out as they moved further out of the city, Rey was still sitting extra close to him.  He nodded as she adjusted the hat on her head and got to her feet slowly.

“Thanks for today, Rey.  I really appreciate it.  I had a lot of fun.”

“Me, too,” she said with another one of her bright smiles.  There was an awkward pause as the train stopped and the door slid open, like there was something else that was supposed to happen.  But it didn’t.  With a wave of her fingers, Rey stepped off the train.

Poe turned and waved back through the window as the car started moving again.  As it pulled away from the station, he put his face in his hands.  “I should have at least asked for her number!  I’m such an idiot,” he groaned to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

“What’s eating you?” Paige asked the next morning as he scooped up yogurt with a spoon and plopped it down haphazardly into a bowl.

“Nothing.”

“You look like someone ran over your dog.”

“Thanks, Paige,” Poe said with a sigh as he walked around her and took his breakfast to the lounge to sit on their old, ratty couch in front of the holovid.

“Rose said Finn said your presentation thing went well.  Wasn’t that the thing you were freaking out over?”

Poe looked over at Paige as she fell into the couch next to him, the boards creaking under the weight of two people.  “I’ve still got finals in my other classes next week.  So, I guess I should get back to studying.”

“You’re such a nerd, Dameron,” Paige said as he got up and started to walk towards his room.  “Live a little.”

Poe stared at her for a moment, and then walked back to his room.  He sat on his bed and slowly ate the rest of his breakfast.  It was ironic, telling him to ‘live a little.’  Poe was keenly aware of the fact that he was alive.  Every day he marveled at it.  And he would wonder why, out of his entire squadron, it had been him to be the one that got to do it.

Poe didn’t feel any malice towards Paige’s words.  She didn’t know what had happened to him—not many did.  Paige was just… Paige, with her acidic humor and no idea where the line was.  He wasn’t really sure she’d act any differently even if she did know.

He stared at the datapad next to him, blinking with notifications of deadlines he’d set for himself, a carefully set schedule to ensure the most efficient use of his time.  Flash cards, quizzes, practice essays… Poe fell backwards and laid down on the mattress.

He didn’t care.

Well, he did care.  He cared an awful lot, which was why he kept pushing himself.  At that moment, he just couldn’t draw up the energy to care about doing the work.  He was almost at the end—one week left to go—but he felt done.  Just short of the finish line and ready to go home.  Do something, anything, other than think about politics or the Senate or the Republic in any form.

“Where’s Poe?” he heard Rose’s cheerful voice out in the hall.  “I got some study snacks and thought we could do a little quiz bowl to get the brain juices flowing!”

Poe closed his eyes and groaned.  He didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to be here.  He left the empty bowl on his bed and propped open the window.  He barely even registered the drop in temperature as he slid out the window and landed on the cracked patio outside.  He quickly shut the window behind him (because everyone else in the house would lose their shit over a window being left open in winter) and darted down the street before anyone could register he’d left.

With hands buried deep in his pockets and shoulders hunched up against his ears, Poe meandered the side streets in his neighborhood aimlessly.  It was a typical outskirts borough with row houses bunched too close together.  A few stout apartment buildings were shuffled in between along with shops and businesses.  It wasn’t the high-rises of the city center, and Hosnian Prime, despite being the Capital, was a far cry from the cityscapes of Coruscant.

A speeder beeped at him as it rumbled passed and he quickly stepped back out of the crosswalk.

Whether by some cosmic intervention, or just luck, Poe passed in front of Blooms and Booms, the flower shop.  He’d seen the place before, but never given it a second glance.  Despite his upbringing, Poe wasn’t much of a green thumb.  He left the plants to his father.  What caught his eye was the cluster of brightly colored pots and a small banner declaring “Cacti from Jakku! Limited Time!”

Poe poked his head into the shop, cringing slightly at the loud chime that sounded when he opened the door.  He had hoped to just take a quick glance around to see if someone happened to be in and then make a quick getaway.

“Hello!” cried a cheerful voice from behind a cart stacked with orchids.

Poe offered up a small wave, but when he looked towards where the voice had come from, he noticed a slight man wearing dark robes not quite looking in his direction.  Poe quickly realized the older shopkeeper was blind.  For a second, he thought perhaps he could just back out of the door and pretend he hadn’t been there—surely the man wouldn’t even notice.

“Baze!  This young man appears lost!  Perhaps we might help him on his way?” the shopkeeper called out, Poe supposed to someone else also in the store.

There was a grumble followed by dragging feet that came from a room in the back.  A taller, stocky man with grey in his beard and long hair appeared and looked from the shopkeeper towards Poe.

“Welcome to Booms and Blooms—”

“Blooms and Booms,” the blind man corrected.

“Blooms and Booms.  We have plants and flowers for every occasion.  Would you like to know what is currently in season?” Baze asked this all in a flat voice as if he was reading off an unentertaining script.

“Uh…” Poe started, thoroughly confused as to what he had just walked into.

“Close the door!” the blind man reminded him.  “It’s going to start snowing soon.  You should really put on a jacket!”

Poe opened his mouth, then closed it, then stepped all the way into the shop and let the door close behind him.  “How did he—” but then he shook his head.  He didn’t think he wanted to know.  “What are the ‘Booms’?”

“We’re also assassins for hire,” Baze said with a cheery grin.

“Retired,” the blind man interjected, as if being retired really changed the weight of the statement.  He came from where he had been watering the orchids and wiped his hands on his robes before offering one to Poe.  “I’m Chirrut.  I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before, Poe!”

Poe shook his hand, still confused.  He could almost hear Baze rolling his eyes at the turn of phrase Chirrut had chosen.  “How did you—”

But Poe’s question was cut off by a whistling noise coming through the open door to the back where Baze had just come from.  “Oh, tea!” Chirrut said cheerily.

Poe wasn’t quite sure how it had happened.  One moment he was standing like an animal caught in headlights and the next he was sat at a small, round table with a plume of bright colored flowers in a vase in the middle and three tea cups with piping hot orange-tinted tea surrounding.

“Sugar?” Chirrut offered, but Poe shook his head.  “Good choice.  It’s naturally quite sweet.  Go on, take a taste!”

Poe did, cautiously, as it was still steaming hot, and he had to admit—it was quite good.  It sent a warming sensation through his limbs that made him consider just how cold he must have been.  It felt rather nice.

“See!” Chirrut exclaimed.  “He likes it!  Of course, he likes it.”

Next to him, Baze grumbled something Poe couldn’t quite pick up and then went back to sipping his tea.  Just as Poe was trying to plan out how to extricate himself from this situation (after finishing the delicious tea, of course), the chime on the door rang again followed by rushing footsteps.

“Ah!” Chirrut exclaimed.  “There she is.  See, not so long a wait after all, Poe.”

“Oh,” Rey said, skidding to a stop near the table.  “You’re all here.”

“ ~~We~~ I’ve,” Chirrut corrected after another one of Baze’s interrupting grunts, “been telling Rey to bring her new friend by.  You know, as a child, she really struggled—”

“Chirrut—”

Poe caught just the subtlest of glares that passed from both Baze and Chirrut to Rey.  He also saw her shoulders squish inwards as she visibly cringed.

“ _Dad_ ,” Rey amended.  “We talked about this?”

“Did we?” Chirrut questioned.  Poe could tell his ignorance was feigned, even without noticing Baze’s solemn nod.

“Poe,” Rey said, turning towards him, “would you like to go somewhere else?”

“Literally anywhere,” Poe said as he hastily pushed back his chair and got to his feet.

“Take a coat!  He should fit one of mine!” Chirrut called as the pair rushed for the door.

Rey did in fact grab a man’s thick coat off a hook as she rushed Poe out of the flower shop.  She thrust it into his arms once they were clear of the door and its continuous chime.  He held the coat awkwardly, unsure if he should put it on or refuse politely.  It was cold, but the entire encounter that had just transpired—

A gust of wind shot down the corridor of buildings and convinced Poe that he indeed needed to wear the coat.

“So…” Poe started as he caught up to Rey after stuffing his arms inside the sleeves and buttoning it up all the way to the throat.  “Your dad, huh?”

“Dads,” Rey corrected.

“I got that feeling,” Poe said with a grin.

“Your parents act that way, too?”

“Ah, well—”  Poe ducked his head further into the coat.  Talking about parents—that was getting rather intimate on this second day of knowing each other.  Of course, he’d just met and had tea with hers.  Maybe he should have stayed home.  “My mom—"

“They’re not my real parents, obviously.  Well, they _are_ my real parents.  My birth parents died when I was young.”  Her gait changed, slowing down and take a step closer towards him.  She relaxed, if only slightly, perhaps a bit more comfortable now that they were away from her meddling family members.  “Baze and Chirrut took me in.  I’m thankful, of course, but I often wonder what they were like.”

“You don’t remember them at all?” he asked, but apologized quickly.  She had literally just said she wondered what they were like.  Stupid question.

“Bits and pieces.  Feelings, I guess, but I don’t know the kind of people they were.  What they believed in.  Where they came from, how they lived their lives.”  There was a soft sigh from her as she kicked a chunky bit of ice down the sidewalk.

Even though he’d only known her a day, it was a different, odd side of her.  As he listened to her talk and watched her kick at the snow on the ground, Poe realized why it felt off.  She’d comforted him on the train, been his supporter during his presentation, and now he saw her as something else—vulnerable.

“I’m sorry if I poked a painful memory,” he told her sincerely.

“No, no, it’s okay,” she said, giving him a small smile.  “Baze and Chirrut have been kind and caring parents.  They always encouraged my dreams, even if it wasn’t what they wanted.”

Her smile grew into something radiant, as if whatever momentary reflection was outshone by how much she loved the family she had now.  Poe couldn’t help but smile back.  “My parents did the same.  My mom always told me to shoot for the stars and never give up.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something Chirrut would say.”

“What does Baze say?” Poe asked.

“The usual stuff—not to leave behind any trace evidence, how to dispose of a body… I’m kidding, Poe,” she said with a hearty laugh at the shocked look on his face.

There had been something in the way Baze had gleefully said “assassins for hire” that put serious doubt in Poe’s mind he had been joking.  But he had to be, right?  Rey had just inherited his dark humor?

“I mean, they were, sort of,” she said, trying to find a way to a truth that wasn’t quite so shocking.  “They did some work for the Rebellion way back then.  Did things you don’t talk about in today’s polite society.”

Poe side-eyed Rey for a second as they continued their casual jaunt through the streets.  It wasn’t the first time she seemed to have answered a question he hadn’t asked but that still hovered at the front of his mind.  Perhaps she was just a keenly perceptive person and easily picked up subtle social cues and body language.  But Chirrut, one of the men who had raised her, had similar keen senses.  If there was a question in there he wanted to ask, it didn’t make it to his lips.

Instead, he fell back into something safer, like commenting on the weather.  “Man, it is _freezing_.  Is there any place we can go that isn’t my house or your house?”

“Yeah,” she said with a grin.  “I know a place.”

 

Rey pulled the chain on an old crank engine while Poe stared in wonder.  Just when he thought there was nothing else that could surprise him about this girl, there was another corner to turn.  He was sitting on a couch, inside of what used to be part of a shuttle, stacked on top of what Poe was pretty sure used to be half of the legs of an Imperial walker.

How parts for _that_ got onto this planet, Poe had no idea.  He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to ask.

She had turned a trash pile behind an abandoned building at the far end of the half-functional factory district of their borough into a clubhouse.  Once the generator kicked in, it was complete with heat and a hot water kettle to make tea.

“Comfy?” Rey asked as she climbed the up the ladder through the hole in the floor.

Once the warmer air started circulating through the space, it was indeed cozy and comfortable.  The couch, though old and small, had a clean blanket draped over it.  Music drifted from a speaker somewhere he couldn’t see, playing a soft instrumental with an old, far-away sound.  Though she seemed to have a lot of stuff crammed up here, it was all well-organized—labeled crates, hooks with uniform cables hanging off, and a carousel of glasses, goggles, and monocles that made him wonder if the glasses she’d been wearing before were decorative rather than functionary.

Poe nodded and scooted slightly to make more space on the couch for her.  “Did you really build all this?”

“Yeah—took me awhile.  You’d be surprised what people just throw away.”

“This is…” Poe couldn’t quite find the words to describe it.  Nothing seemed adequate to tell her how impressed he was.  “Incredible.  Really.  I wish I had a place like this here to just hide out.”

Rey laughed lightly and shrugged her shoulders as she settled back onto the couch.  “I can’t ever seem to sit still.  Always have to be working on something.  This is just my latest obsession.  I think I might work on some droids next.”

She seemed almost uncomfortable for a moment, picking at the threads of her sweater.  “I don’t come here to hide away, Poe.  I actually dread being alone.”

“I guess we’re a bit different that way,” he told her, but still tried to keep his tone light.  “My roommates are always in my business.  I’m under enough stress without having to constantly navigate whatever it is they want.”

“Well, you can come here whenever you feel you need to get away.”  There was a twitch in her fingers resting on the couch he barely noticed until her hand tentatively creeped towards his.  She patted his hand gently with hers, trying to be reassuring.  “I don’t know them, but I’m sure they care about you.”

Poe sighed as he watched her hand resting on his.  It was a nice, warm feeling in this space that was still trying to overcome the chill outside.  And yes, he did understand that his friends cared and were doing the best they could to help.  Sometimes, help was hard to accept.  He didn’t think he needed it, didn’t want it, or some combination of both.

“I know,” he said.  “I think maybe yesterday affected me more than I thought.”

Rey laughed and squeezed his hand.  “You think?  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.”

“No, no,” Poe agreed with a grin.  “I was being ridiculous, you’re right.”

“No, I didn’t mean that,” she said, quickly recovering from her reaction.  “It can be hard to see how these things affect us in the moment.  That’s why we need others, our friends, to help us out.  When it’s hard to see our own truth.”

She turned towards him, her knee coming up onto the couch and pressing against his leg.  Still, his hand was clasped in hers, like she was trying to keep him grounded.

“I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” she asked, one eyebrow quirking in amusement and curiosity.

“You’re… enchanting.  Kind, and funny, and surprising.  And I’m a mess, Rey.”

A blush joined the freckles on her cheeks as she gave him an almost embarrassed smile.  “We’re all a mess, Poe.  The galaxy is a huge, stupid mess and we’re just wading through it the best we can.  You doubt yourself, but you’re passionate and magnetic.  You care an awful lot about really big picture stuff—which, to me, is absolutely terrifying—and I think you could do some real good in this messed up galaxy.”

Once, not so long ago, he had been impulsive and brash.  These days, he was overly cautious and carefully considered his actions and words.  For brief moment, that old version of Poe Dameron seemed to come back to life.  He took the chance and gave into something that he wanted without thinking it all the way through.

Poe leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

Her lips were sweet, like a fruity chapstick to protect against the cold, dry air.  It seemed he had surprised her, but only for a second before she kissed him back and dug her fingers into his hair.

It wasn’t like flying, but something close to it—freeing in a way that he had forgotten about.

And just when he was about to pull her in close and find out what her tongue tasted like, the moment was snatched away by the buzzing on his wrist comm.  An alarm and a string of messages all coming in at once as if he’d been in a dead spot and then suddenly found a signal.

Poe pulled away and clapped his hand over the noisy device, trying to cover up his embarrassment with a chuckle.  “Sorry,” he muttered.

“No, it’s fine,” she said, breathing out slowly.

He glanced down to see the messages scrolling across the small screen.  First, it was the alarm he’d set to make sure he remembered to get some work done today.  The rest were messages that built in intensity—a simple “where are you?” turned into massive bolded characters with threats of calling the police if he didn’t answer at least one of these messages.

It was a crushing reminder that his life wasn’t here in this metal treehouse kissing a pretty, eccentric girl and not thinking about the consequences.  His path was now carefully planned and he needed to cautiously avoid all of the pitfalls.  He had his friends there to keep him steady, to make sure he didn’t give up or get lost.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again and got to his feet quickly.  “I shouldn’t have—I need to go.  I’ve made everyone worry and they’re going to start calling hospitals and morgues soon.”

“Morgues?  What?” Rey asked, confused.  She stood up after him and followed him as he hurried down the ladder and back out into the cold.

“Oh, this is yours.  Well, your dad’s.”  He fumbled with the buttons on the coat and hastily took it off.  He thrust it out at her once her feet planted on the ground, but she kept her arms at her side and didn’t reach for it.

“Just wear it home.  I’ll get it from you later.”

Poe wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.  She made him feel things—old things, dangerous things, wonderful things.  He wasn’t sure if it was compatible with his life, at least not this one he was currently living.  If he kept the coat, he’d have the excuse.

It hung in between them for a second.  He didn’t put it back on and she refused to take it.

“Poe, it’s freezing.”  For emphasis, she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.  As if to prove the point, fat snowflakes had started to fall around them.

Though he felt like a fool for having taken the coat off just to put it back on, he did it anyway.  She looked confused, and a little hurt, and she had every right to be.  But he had been honest with her—his life was a mess.  _He_ was a mess.  He didn’t want to drag anyone else into that.

“Why would your friends think you’re at a morgue?”

“Some people jump to the worst conclusion sometimes.”  It was true, but then it also wasn’t.  He was the one that had disappeared into the cold without a coat.  Without Rey and Chirrut, he’d probably be sitting on a park bench frozen solid, or at least on his way to pneumonia.

Rey shook her head and sighed like she had caught onto his nonsense.  “Bring the coat by tomorrow?  I should be around the shop all day.”  She gave him a small smile as she walked passed him, and another last glance before she turned the corner and he headed off the opposite way.


	5. Chapter 5

Poe did not go to the flower shop the next day, nor the day after.  He had rolled into his house at dusk to Rose and Finn clucking over him about where he’d been, if he’d eaten anything, and whose coat he was wearing.  Paige just cocked an eyebrow and shook her head before heading out for the night.

He spent the next few days in his study cave.  He emerged only briefly for food, though Finn had managed to coax him out with a beer for a brief spell.  Finn tried to cheer him up with the reminder he was in the home stretch.  Just get through this week and then enjoy the break.

“Got any plans for your time off?” Finn asked him.

Poe played with the label on the bottle as he thought about it.  Going home was always an option, and he knew he was missed, but that was its own set of things he didn’t want to deal with.  His dad always needed help on the farm, but kept refusing to hire extra hands.  If he stayed on Hosnian Prime, he could try to find a part time gig or two to make some extra money.  That’d be real nice if he could swing that.

He thought about Rey, too, and if he’d rather avoid facing whatever weirdness he’d incited or… He really did want to see her again.  He had no idea what he’d do, how he’d make up for his behavior, but that’d sure be nice.

“Not yet, just trying to get through this week first.  I figure, if I bomb out of school, it’s back to work on the farm.”

“You’ll get it,” Finn reassured him.  “You’ve been working crazy hard.  It’ll pay off.”

Poe didn’t say anything and just took a swig of his beer.  At least one of them was confident.  Poe hoped it’d rub off onto him.

Another late night was followed by waking up way too early.  Poe startled awake at the sound of someone repeatedly ringing the door chime.  As he stumbled out into the hall, he realized the sisters were likely both out.  He wasn’t sure what Finn was doing, but from the sound of the bass thumping from his side of the house, there was no way he heard the door buzzer.

Poe rubbed his eyes and stumbled through the house towards the door.  He was wearing the clothes he’d been in the day before, which was basically what he’d spent the last few days in—a band t-shirt and grey joggers.  He also hadn’t shaved in several days which meant a full beard considering the cursed rate at which his facial hair grew.

He was definitely not what someone wanted to see when they went to someone’s house, he was pretty sure.  Though, he had no idea who it was or why they were there.

“Hello!” said a cheery voice.  “I have a delivery for Ms. Tico?”

“Which one?” Poe asked rubbing his eyes.  Then stopped.  He reached forward and pushed the large bouquet of flowers slightly to the left and couldn’t help the small grin that started to pull at his lips.  “Hi, Rey.”

“Oh.  Good morning, Poe.”  She smiled brightly and adjusted her hold on the vase.  “How’s your studying going?”

Poe ran a hand through his hair, and then realized how he must look as he felt a crumb stuck in his hair.  “Good, I think.  Find out tomorrow.”  There was a bit of an awkward pause.  “So, how’s the cactus?”

Another pause.

“Cactus is fine…” she answered slowly.

“I’m sorry, what did you…?”

“I have a delivery for Ms. Tico?  I guess it’s her birthday?  Chirrut said I had to sing, but I don’t sing.”

“OH!”  Poe smacked his face with his hand.  “Yeah, it’s Rose’s birthday.  That’s why they’re not here.  They went shopping.”

Rey nodded, but clearly had no idea what he was talking about.  “If this is the right place then, maybe you could—”

“Oh, man, those are beautiful!” Finn practically shouted as he rushed up to the door.  He quickly took the vase and large bouquet from Rey’s hands, something Poe realized he probably could have done.  “Thank you!  Thank you!  She’s going to love it!”

“Rose is his girlfriend,” Poe told Rey.  “Oh, this is my friend Finn.”

Finn stopped fawning over the flowers for a moment to side-eye the pair of them.  “You two know each other?”

“Well, we live in the same neighborhood,” Poe started, but then Rey took a step forward and offered her hand.

“Hi, I’m Rey.  Poe and I met on the train and then he kissed me, but now I think he’s avoiding me.”

“That is… a lot to take in. Hi, Rey, it’s so good to meet you!”  Finn shuffled the vase to one arm and shook Rey’s hand vigorously.  “Come in out of the cold!  Come on!”

Poe took a deep breath and opened the door further, sweeping his arm out to wave her on inside.  It wasn’t exactly how he would have invited her home, if that was something he had been planning to do, but things seemed to rarely go the way he planned.

Rey wiped her boots on the mat and stepped into the house.  Finn rushed off, presumably to put the flowers down somewhere as he returned after a few seconds without them.

“Do you want some tea or caf?” Poe offered.

“I’ll get that,” Finn interjected, swooping in and ushering Rey towards the kitchen.  “Why don’t you go freshen up a bit, Poe?”

As Finn turned Rey towards the kitchen, he shot Poe a pointed look up and down.  Poe lifted his t-shirt and sniffed it slightly.  It wasn’t _that_ bad, but he supposed he could stand to at least brush his teeth.  Poe shrugged, if only to annoy Finn an extra bit, and headed back towards his room.

Poe rushed to get dressed and clean himself up.  Not because he was nervous of what Finn might say to Rey, but more that Finn might be a bit too overeager that Poe had made a friend outside of his very limited bubble.  Let alone a friend that may have had some romantic leanings.  He liked Rey, and Finn shouldn’t dump all that on her right out the gate.

But then, Poe wondered, maybe he should.  Just put it all out there—take it or leave it.

He was pretty sure she’d probably just leave it.

“Why’s he so hard on himself?”  He caught just the end of her question to Finn and the clattering of a spoon hitting the side of a cup.

“He’s trying to live life for more than just himself.”

Poe coughed as he walked into the kitchen and found himself a clean mug.  He poured caf into the cup and slid into the chair.  The conversation barely missed a beat, as if they hadn’t been talking about him.  Not that it really mattered.

“Are you ready for the big test tomorrow, Poe?” Rey asked.

Truthfully, no, but even having another week he wasn’t sure he’d be ready.  “Tomorrow’s just one,” he said instead.  “Two more the next day.”

“Then you’re done, right?”

“For this year, yeah.”

“How do you like working at the flower shop?” Finn asked, and Poe was thankful the conversation moved away from him and school.  It was a stabbing reminder that he should be back in his cave working and not out here taking a caf break.  Even if he desperately needed it.

“Well, I don’t really work there,” she said with a grin.

“Her dads own it,” Poe supplied when Finn looked confused.

“Free labor!”

Rey nodded with a laugh.  “I’m lucky.  They let me run free and chase my interests, as long as I do a few errands for them.”

“Just out chasing whatever?” Finn asked.  “Trying to figure yourself out?  Nail down a career that interests you?”

Rey shrugged and laughed again.  “There are too many things to just pick one to do forever.  Seems silly to me.  But, I know that I’m a bit different from most people.  If I end up living in a box or a house or a derelict ship…”  Another shrug of her shoulders.  “It’s no big deal.”

“Fascinating,” Finn said, nearly gobsmacked.  “It’s like you’re complete opposites.”

“Well…” Poe started, but wasn’t sure what he was objecting to.  They were quite different people, but Poe didn’t think they were _so_ far apart.

“I should be getting back,” Rey said, standing up.  “I did promise to help, and I’ve only done the one thing so far.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Poe offered, getting to his feet as well.  “Oh—and your dad’s coat.”

Finn and Rey said farewell to each other as Poe rushed off to find the coat and then met her back at the door.

“I know you weren’t here on purpose—well, you were, to deliver the flowers.  I know you weren’t here to see me, but—”  Poe sighed, tired of tripping over what he was trying to say.  “It was nice to see you again.”

“You, too.”  She smiled and bit her lip slightly.  Then, she reached up and pulled the tan knit cap off her head.  Gently, she pushed it onto his head, and then took the coat out of his arms.  “For luck this week.  And now you have an excuse to come find me when you’re done.”

“I needed an excuse?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said with a sly look.  “I think that you think you need an excuse.  I’m happy to give one.  See you around, Poe.”

He grinned, so large he was sure he was probably blushing.  “I will, Rey.  Count on it.”

 

 

There was overwhelming relief as he logged out of the terminal after finishing his last exam.  All the things weighing him down over the past few months rolled off his back and fell through the ground.  It would all come rushing back once grades were posted in a couple weeks, but for now, it was out of his hands.

The feeling was actually so freeing, his first impulse was to find Rey and do something, _anything_ , that didn’t involve studying or reading or any sort of thinking.  They could go ice skating, or see a holo-film, or he could just watch her water plants or something.  The only thing he knew is that he wanted to see her with fresh eyes and free time.

There was only the small chance that he knew where to find her.  He’d often seen her on the train, but that was usually later in the evening on the commute home.  It was still early… if he got to her dads’ flower shop and she wasn’t there, he’d probably get trapped there having tea with Chirrut.  Maybe he’d check the junkyard and a couple other places first.  Yeah, that was probably best.

“Dameron!” someone called his name midway through his journey back home.  This person shuffled through the crowd and slapped him on the shoulder.  “Hey, man!  Good to see you!”

Poe turned towards the voice, which he vaguely recognized.  The man the voice belonged to he did remember—stocky build with short, dark hair.  He was in civilian clothes, but wearing a bomber jacket with a familiar patch on the arm.  And still wearing his wedding ring, Poe noted as he shook Temmin Wexley’s hand.

“Hey, Snap,” Poe said, mustering up a smile.  “How you been?”

“Getting by,” Snap said, with a smile that Poe wondered was also forced.  “The memorial’s next month.  Are you going this time?”

“Don’t think I’ll make it.  Pop’s been struggling lately so now that the semester’s over, I’m gonna head back for the break and help him out.”

“Five years,” Snap said with a shake of his head.  “Can’t believe it’s been that long already.”

“Yeah,” Poe agreed, but didn’t elaborate.  It was something he only talked about with his compulsory therapist.  Definitely not something he wanted to hash out in a crowded train with Karé’s husband.

“So, you done then?  Doing a run for Senate next?”

Poe gave a small laugh and ducked his head.  “Nah, not yet.  Got another year, then internships and all that.”

“Well, she’d be happy knowing you’re out there doing something you’re passionate about.  She always admired that about you.”

Snap was a good guy.  He wasn’t condescending or bitter.  He was having a pleasant conversation with someone who had been a friend, but had drifted apart.  Yet, Poe couldn’t help that he wanted to leap off the train and run away.  He didn’t want to talk about Karé; didn’t want to deal with anything from five years ago.  Didn’t want to look into Snap’s eyes and see how much he still grieved his wife.

“Yeah,” Poe nodded and clutched onto his bag as the train slowed down for the next station.  “It was nice seeing you again, man.”

Snap shook his hand again and moved slightly so commuters trying to leave could get past.  “We should grab a drink sometime.”

Poe nodded and gave him a small wave as he got off the train.  Maybe, one day.  Poe wasn’t sure.  He watched as the door closed and the train left the platform, offering a final wave to Snap through the window.

With a sigh, Poe found the display board with the train schedules to see when the next one would be by.  Should only be ten minutes or so.

“Got off the train just so you wouldn’t have to have a conversation with the guy you made a widower.  Good job, Dameron,” he mumbled to himself.

He also realized he’d just committed to going home to Yavin.  His plan had only been to avoid the memorial—couldn’t intentionally not go if he’d never heard anything about it.  At least now he had an excuse (sort of) for not going, even if he didn’t really want to spend his whole school break on the farm.

Poe called his father when he got back to the house, hat in hand, asking for a ticket back home.  He made excuses—it was expensive to live in the city, he knew the farm needed extra hands this time of year.  His father didn’t much care what his excuse was, he was happy to hear his son was coming home.

Finn caught him packing.  “Figured you were going to go.”

“Don’t try and talk me out of it,” Poe told him.

“I’m not,” Finn said with a shrug.  “It’ll be good to get out of the city and clear your head.  Relax a bit.”

Poe shoved a stack of shirts down into his bag, trying to cram as much as he could into the worn, navy blue duffel.  “You don’t think I’m worming out of this memorial?”

“Nah, man.”  Finn looked at him with all the patience he always had for his friend.  “You guys were always about taking care of each other.  I know they’d want you to be comfortable—not put yourself through that pain just for their benefit.”

“Why does everyone think they know what Karé would want?  You know what she wants, Finn?  She wants to be alive!”

“Hey.”  Finn moved further into the room, his hands out, trying to settle Poe down before he got too aggravated.  “I know, man.  I know.  I didn’t get the chance to know her very well, but you know what I do remember?  She always made sure everyone had a good night’s sleep and a full meal before a mission.  She asked about my sister, remember?  Only met her once and she remembered that about me.

“She was a good woman, Poe.  She cared about people—cared about you.”  Finn’s hand rested on his shoulder and squeezed tightly.  “You do her memory proud by making sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

Poe let out a big exhale of air, then took a slow breath in.  Another exhale, and he nodded at Finn, slowly drawing himself back down from the flare of pain and tension.  “You’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Finn said with a grin, then patted his friend on the cheek and pulled him in for a hug.  “You got one more thing to do before you go, you know.”

“Yeah?  What’s that?” Poe asked as he pulled away and swiped a hand quickly across his face.  He went back to shoving things in his bag.

“You gotta tell Rey you’re leaving.  She really likes you, but if you just up and go, she’ll move on like _that_.”  For emphasis, Finn snapped his fingers.

At first, Poe was going to shake his head and wave Finn off.  Of course, he was going to tell Rey he was leaving.  He really, really wanted to see her.  He hated that he was going because it meant he wouldn’t be able to spend the break hanging out with her—if that’s what she wanted.  But out of what Finn had said, that was not what his brain had latched onto.

“You think she likes me?”

Finn took a step back, eyes wide.  He shook his head and almost laughed.  “Man, you’re hopeless.  Please, talk to her?  Please?”

“Yes, I’m going to talk to her!  Come on, let me finish packing.”


	6. Chapter 6

Poe tried to find her.  He went to her dads’ flower shop, but it was too late and it was closed.  Checked out her walker clubhouse, but the lights were off and there was no response as he chucked rocks up at the cobbled together monstrosity.  He tried the local library, the café on the corner, and the park.  And then he kicked himself again for not ever getting her comm number.

Out of options, Poe called the number etched on the flower shop’s door.  It was an automated box asking for what sort of flower arrangement he would like to order, but Poe left a message hoping it would make its way to Rey.

“Hello Mr. Îmwe and Mr. Malbus.  This is Poe Dameron calling for Rey.  I just wanted to let her know I’m going back home for a few weeks.  I, uh, I guess I’ll see her when I get back.  Okay.  Thanks.”

He thought about her on the transport out as he watched the glow of the city fade into the distance until it was replaced by the hue of atmosphere and finally stars.  He had brought several books on his datapad—readings to get started on for the next semester—but his mind wandered and he couldn’t focus on the text.  He probably should have tried to sleep, but the hum of the engines wasn’t something that lulled him to sleep anymore.

Space travel and the orientation of different planets around their stars being what they were, Poe arrived mid-morning on Yavin IV.  His father was there at the spaceport waiting for him with a bear-hug and an offer to drive his old hot rod speeder back to the house.

“I can’t believe you still have this thing,” Poe said as he ran his hand over the polished red metal.

“Your mom always thought I looked hot driving it.”

“Okay.  Gross.”  Poe tossed his duffel into the backseat and looked over at his father dangling the keyring from his finger.  “I’m exhausted, Pop.  I really shouldn’t drive.”

“Didn’t get any sleep on the way in?  It’s a twenty-hour flight, Poe.”  He had that worried, fatherly look on his face, but he shook it off and slapped Poe on the shoulder.  “Well, you got a day to fix your sleep schedule.  Too many things to take care of ‘round here.”

“Thanks, Pop,” Poe said and slouched down into the passenger seat and closed his eyes.  “How’s my dog?”

His father snorted out a laugh.  “Oh, she’s gonna love that—asking after the dog.  Dog’s fine.  Gonna shit herself when she sees you.”

Poe grinned and enjoyed the warm Yavin sun on his face and the wind rushing around him as his father drove them back to his childhood home.

As soon as they pulled up the dirt road that lead to the house, an orange ball of fluff that had been sleeping on the porch jumped up bounded across the grass.  She yipped and bounced up and down as the speeder slowed to a stop and barely gave the occupants time to get out before leaping right into Poe’s lap.

“Oh, Bee—come on, pal.  Let me get out at least—oh geeze.”

“Did she get you?” his father asked with a laugh.

“Yeah,” Poe groaned as he finally pushed the dog out of the speeder after being fully slobbered and slightly peed on.  “At least she didn’t shit herself.”

“Guess she didn’t miss you that much,” his father said with a wink.

“Who’s that!” a voice shouted from the house.

The dog darted away from the speeder to the house then back to the speeder, then back and forth a couple more times, excited barking and tail wagging the whole way.  Poe grabbed his bag and pulled himself out of the speeder, feigning a bit of a trudge through the grass as he dragged himself towards the person waiting for him on the porch.

“Hi, Mom,” he said with almost a guilty smile and dropped his bag in anticipation of what was coming.

“Poe!  My baby boy!  It’s so good to see you!”  His mother grabbed him and pulled him in for one of her fierce hugs that involved vigorous shaking, big smooches on his cheeks, and ruffling his hair.  It didn’t matter how old he was, she did the entire ritual all the same.

“Shara, let the kid breathe,” his father said as he tried to maneuver around them to get into the house.

“Kes Dameron, this is my _son_ and I have not seen him in _months_!”

“Just a reminder,” Poe said from the still tight embrace of his mother, “I am an adult.”  Despite that, he held onto his mom and squeezed her back just as tightly.  Even held on for a second longer than was usual, which he knew she would surely notice.

“Are you okay, baby?  How was your flight?  Are you hungry?” she asked as she pulled back and patted his cheek again.

“It’s been a long week,” he told her, trying to give her a small smile to say that it was fine, really.  He was just tired.  “I missed you guys.”

“And we missed you, too!  My little space nugget!”

“Ow, Mom, I’m gonna leave if you keep pinching my cheeks.”

“Don’t you dare,” she scolded with a light smack to his arm.  Despite his protests, she picked up his bag and carried it into the house.  “I’m so excited you’re going to be here for the party!  Your father kept telling me not to get my hopes up, but I knew my little grizzly bear cub wouldn’t leave me all alone!”

“Shara!  It’s _our_ anniversary party!” Kes yelled from across the house.

“Psh,” Shara snorted as she tossed Poe’s bag down the hallway towards his old room.  “How can we celebrate thirty years together without the product of our love here with us!”

“Mom, please don’t call me that.”

“Wait—where are you going?” Shara called after him as Poe went to go retrieve his bag.

“I’m gonna take a nap.”

“What?!  You just got here!  It’s lunchtime!”

“Shara, he’s been traveling all night!  Let the boy sleep!”

“I just want to spend some time with my son!  What’s wrong with that?!”

Poe let whatever discussion his parents continued to have fade behind as he shut the door.  He dumped his duffel onto the floor and fell right into the bed.  He had to give the pillow a couple of punches to fluff it up because everything was so crisp and fresh, but it was only a few minutes until the rocking feeling from spaceflight faded away and he was dead asleep.

 

 

Poe woke up to the smell of spicy steaks cooking and roasting vegetables.  It must have only been a few hours if someone was cooking dinner, but he did feel rested, if only slightly.  He dragged himself out of the bed and put on some fresh clothes.

There was something nagging at his brain—something he had heard before he’d gone to sleep, but was too tired to process.  Whatever it was, Poe was sure he’d have ample time to worry about it later.  At the moment, he wanted to eat literally everything in the house.

His mother barely gave him a moment after he wandered into the dining room before shoving him into a chair, setting a full plate in front of him, and giving him a kiss on the cheek.  Both his parents joined him a minute later with their own full plates of food.

“This looks great, Mom,” Poe said.

“Thank you, baby.”

His parents chatted back and forth about local happenings—so and so just had a baby, the neighbor’s farm was growing something new, his father was quite annoyed at some migratory birds that kept nesting in his koyo trees.  Poe talked a little about school—it had gone well enough and he was relieved to take a break for a few weeks.

His mother waited until he had mostly finished before she got to the topic that was clearly on her mind.  “So, we never got your RSVP for the party.  Were you bringing any guests?  It was a wonderful surprise that you decided to come, but I really need a final headcount for the caterer.”

Poe blinked.  Party?  “Party?” he repeated his thought out loud.

“Yes, we’re having a thirtieth wedding anniversary party.  Poe, we talked about this.”

“Oh, shit, Mom.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t swear at your mother.”

“He didn’t mean it—”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Poe said over his mother.  “It completely slipped my mind.  This semester was so crazy.  I was always gonna come, I just kept forgetting about it.  I’m sorry, Mama.”

“It’s okay, baby.  I’m glad you’re here now.”  She smiled at him and patted him gently on the arm.  “I guess that means you’re not… bringing anyone?”

“Shara—”

“I’m just asking!”

“Mom,” Poe nearly whined.  “No, it’s just me.  I was planning to stay a few weeks and recharge before the next term.”

“You know your father isn’t going to let you relax.”

“I know.”  Poe shared a grin with his father.  Yeah, he’d put him to work, but it’d be muscle labor, not thinking labor.  Poe thought he could handle that, for a little bit anyway.  “Just let me sleep in a bit tomorrow.  Still space-lagged.”

“Maybe,” Kes said with a wink.

His father did let him sleep in, though Poe thought his mother probably forced his hand.  During a moment of waking, he was pretty sure he heard her tell him to take care of it on his own for another few hours.  She always did baby him when he came home, and always with the excuse of “of course I baby you—you’re my baby!”

He rolled out of bed before lunch to an empty house, except for the dog following him around.  They shared leftover steaks and ice cream and then vegged out on the couch watching an overly dramatic Twi’lek holo-novella.  He rubbed the dog’s head as the animal smooshed onto the cushion that was just a bit too small.  Silly creature never did quite realize her size.

“Beebs, get off the couch,” Shara scolded as she walked into the house sometime later.  “Poe, help me bring in the groceries.”

The dog whined, but followed Poe off the couch and outside to the waiting speeder full of groceries.  “I thought they were getting the party catered,” he wondered out loud.  The dog just rolled in the dirt.

“I’m having the _event_ catered,” his mother told him when he asked after bringing several sacks inside.  “We’re going to have the house open for whenever anyone wants to stop by and visit.  If folks don’t want to stay cooped up on their ships or whatever.”

“It’s gonna be a whole thing, huh?”

“Yeah, bunch of old friends from the Rebellion are coming.  I can’t wait for you to meet them!  Well, again, you were just a boy last time we saw most of them.”

Pop came home for lunch shortly after all the things had been put away.  He complained Poe had eaten the leftover steaks, and Poe didn’t mention that Bee had helped.  He couldn’t escape an afternoon of farm chores.  His father took him out and showed him the fields—new plantings, crops almost ready for harvest, and plans he had for the next season.

In the evening, he sat out on the porch with a cold beer and watched as his mom did loops in her A-Wing.  She still went out a couple times a week with Yavin’s civilian defense patrol, but these days, it was more of a neighborhood watch than anything else.

“Can’t believe that old thing is still flying,” Poe said after she had landed, shut everything down, and headed back to the house.

“As good as the day she rolled off the line.”  She beamed with pride as she glanced back at the A-Wing with the red stripe, though it was faded now.  When she looked back at him, Poe could almost see the question forming on her lips.  She was going to ask—she hadn’t in a long time.  It had taken her a lot longer than him to give up that dream.  He must have been pretending well if she thought he might want to try again.

“Pop’s making fish-something.  Smells good,” he told her.

“Yeah, I could smell it all the way in.  I’ll go get cleaned up.”  She recovered nicely from whatever she had planned to say and then didn’t.  She pressed a kiss to the top of his head as she passed by.

Poe rocked in the chair and looked out at the ship resting on the square of cracked permacreet they used as a landing pad.  It was the first thing he’d ever flown.  Some of the best memories he had of childhood and his mother were in that little fighter.  He’d always have those, but there was a hesitation now when he looked at the craft.  Poe didn’t want to call it fear, but maybe a healthy respect for what happens when everything goes wrong.  And it wasn’t something he wanted to try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look who it is :B


	7. Chapter 7

A couple of days before the big event, guests started to arrive.  Just a few at first—some close friends of his parents, people they had been in the Rebellion with.  L’ulo, whom Poe had known since he was a boy, and Nien Nunb who had gone into freight shipping after the war ended.  Poe had heard all of L’ulo’s stories, but was surprised to hear that Nien handled all of the farm’s produce shipping.  Others arrived, too, mostly pilots.

Poe both did and didn’t like how young he felt with all these old guard in his house.  And he also didn’t like having to answer: no, he was focused on school at the moment and didn’t get back up into the sky much anymore.

The work didn’t let up, even with the extra hands helping out.  They had tables and canopies and landing zones to set up.  Not to mention the ten thousand other little tasks and errands his mother also set him on.  She had him clear out a part of the hangar and set up cooling units.  Poe thought it was maybe for the food—he didn’t ask.

It was a ridiculously hot day—typical for the moon.  Humid and sticky.  Not to mention his body was still trying to understand why it was winter just a few days ago and now all of a sudden it was summer.  He had decided to shed his sweat-soaked shirt while he stood on a ladder and bolted the fans to the hangar frame.

“Go back inside then, you big baby,” Poe said to Bee as the dog whined underneath the ladder.

The dog hopped up and barked, chased her tail for a second, then bounded towards the hangar door.  Poe shook his head, wondering if maybe she really had inherited something from her namesake.  There were a few more barks after she left, but Poe ignored it and went back to the task at hand.

“Now I know what Chirrut was grinning about the whole way here.”

Poe nearly dropped the bolt gun.  Almost fell off his ladder, too.  But he caught himself and turned slightly to look behind him at the hangar door.  He squinted at the light streaming through, barely making out the shape of her until she stepped fully inside.

It dawned on him: flowers.  The cooling units were for flowers.

“Hey, Rey,” he said, trying to hide his shock.  “Don’t let her jump on you,” he warned, eyeing the rambunctious dog licking Rey’s hand.

“She’s a good girl,” Rey said back.

Poe turned back to finish securing the fans and shaking his head as he heard Rey trying to tell Bee to sit and stay.  That dog was loyal and loving, but not exactly obedient.  When he came down, however, and set his tools on the bench, he realized Rey was still full of surprises.  She had Bee sitting on the ground, then begging, then rolling over.

“Such a good girl!” Rey cooed and scratched her floppy ears.

“I guess I can add dog whisperer to your list of talents,” Poe said as he walked up to them.

“You just have to know how to listen,” Rey said, smiling at him.

There was something—a twinkle in her eye.  It made Poe wonder if she was being metaphorical or literal.  It also made him remember that he was a giant, shirtless sweatball standing in front of her.

“What’s her name?” she asked as he found his shirt and pulled it back over his head.

“Bee.”

“Like the insect?”

“No, like the astromech.  Beebee.”

The dog yipped in response to her name and bounded back and forth between Rey and Poe’s legs.  There was a slight pause, like Rey was waiting for a second to see if there was more to the story, but it passed and she simply said “Cute!” before they walked back out of the hangar, dog at their heels.

“It’s weird right,” Rey said as they walked towards where her ship had landed.  Baze and Chirrut were already offloading crates with Chirrut fussing at Baze to be careful not to drop anything.

“That my parents ordered flowers all the way from the Core?  Yeah, but it’s kind of a big deal for my mom.  It’s basically the wedding she never got to have.”

Rey laughed and bumped him lightly in the side.  He wasn’t entirely sure what he said that was funny, but he liked that she was here.  Liked that she didn’t seem to be upset with him for leaving suddenly.

“I mean that they know each other.  That your mom basically saved my dads’ lives.  Without her, I’d probably be abandoned on some desert planet or something.”

“That—what?” Poe stopped walking and stared at her.

“Yeah—pulled them off of Scarif right before _the big one_.”  Rey grinned at him, like it was something he should have known.  There was this touchstone they should have shared—a family history that intersected, but that he had no reference for.  “It’s crazy how things work out.  We probably could have met a dozen times before, but it was taking the same train home at night.”

“My mom never really talked about the stuff that happened back then.  Said she wanted to focus on what was in front of her.”  He’d met L’ulo and a couple other Green Squadron pilots, but really only because they’d come out to Yavin to visit.  As a kid, they’d rarely traveled outside the system and never to any of the big remembrance ceremonies or reunions.  His mother had always been content to say that she’d done her part and it was over now.  Poe would ask, and he’d get some of his father’s stories.  She’d tell him about flying, but the specifics were always glossed over.  They won—that was what mattered.

“Well, your mom’s a hero,” Rey told him, rather matter-of-factly.

Poe smiled and nodded slightly.  “She’s always just been my mom.”  And to him, that meant the same thing.

Their families all ate dinner together that night.  Usually, it would have been an event Poe would have fretted over.  His parents, the girl he liked, and her parents.  Rey and him and their awkward, blossoming friendship would be center stage way earlier than he thought would happen.  But he wasn’t—wasn’t fretting or dreading or wanting to go hide up a tree somewhere.  Perhaps it was that his parents and hers all already knew each other, or both sets had their own eccentricities.  Or maybe it was Rey’s calming presence, her quick wit that always managed to diffuse any tension, and warm smile that made him feel buoyed.

It was the usual small talk of how he was doing in school and what his plans were for the coming term.  His father talked about the gossip around town and his mother took compliments on her cooking.  They talked about the flower shop and what Chirrut thought might be a popular arrangement in the next season.

Poe noticed that Rey easily deflected questions about her own future.  Baze backed her up as well, saying she could take as long as she needed to “find herself.”  Chirrut chimed in that he was happy to put her to work until she started paying rent.

“I can’t believe that we’ve never met before,” Poe said.  He realized that he actually felt quite put out by this missed opportunity.  He could have known Rey years ago.  She could have known him before everything had changed.  Before he changed.  “Mom, why didn’t you tell me about Rogue One?  Or that you saved Senator Rook’s life?”

He’d managed to get out of Rey that her dads weren’t the only ones on that mission.  Bohdi Rook, Imperial defector, later went on to serve in the New Republic Senate.  One of the good ones that Poe hoped to one day have the chance to work for.  (Man, that would have been a leg up.  A bit of nepotism, yeah, but it was cutthroat out there in the New Republic’s Senate.)

There was a quiet that fell over the table.  His mom seemed to look uncomfortable at the question and busied herself slicing her food into very tiny pieces.  Baze and Chirrut shared a sad sort of glance.  And Rey looked apologetic, like she was sorry she’d left out so many details.  Maybe she thought he was kidding when he said he hadn’t heard this story because who hadn’t heard about how the Death Star plans were stolen?

“A lot of details were left out of what was released to the public,” Chirrut said, as if answering Poe’s unasked questions.  “To protect those involved.  And others still working against the Empire at the time.”

“Captain Andor,” his father started, after clearing his throat.  He also grabbed his mother’s hand and squeezed it, offering her comfort.  “It was his op, his team—he should have gotten all the credit.  He was badly wounded during the data retrieval and the run up the beach… it was too much for him.”

“Jyn wouldn’t leave his side,” his mother said.  Her voice sounded hollow and far away.  Shara Bey, who was loud and bubbly and bigger than life, suddenly seemed rather small and somber.

He should have felt guilt at making his mother relive this obviously painful moment.  A moment where she had to choose leaving behind those she couldn’t save in order to save the ones she could, as well as saving the Rebellion.  Still, after all these years, that moment haunted her and was likely why they had remained so secluded from the rest of the galaxy.  Why there were blank spots in his family history that should have been filled with people like Baze and Chirrut.

But Poe didn’t feel sorry for bringing it up.  What he felt was confusion.  And he felt anger.

“Why didn’t you tell me?  When Karé, and Arana, and Muran died and I blamed myself—you should have said something.”

“Hey—” Kes snapped at him.  He had wrapped his arm around his wife and was rubbing her back, but his eyes were boring into his son with warning.

“It’s fine, it’s fine…” his mother tried to interrupt, shaking her head.

“Don’t yell at your mother.”

“I’m not yelling!”  Poe pushed his chair back and got to his feet.  “You made me go sit in some stranger’s office twice a week and talk about my dead friends—people I came up with, lived with, ate, drank…  They put their lives in my hands.  You didn’t ever think it might be helpful to know that the person I looked up to most in the world understood what that was like?!”

“Poe...”

He had forgotten there was anyone else in the room until Rey had said his name and gently took his hand.  All three of their guests wore sympathetic looks.  Baze and Chirrut had lost their friends as well, but none of them had lost what he had lost.  It wasn’t the same, and this family drama playing out—they shouldn’t have been a part of it.

Poe held onto Rey’s hand for a second, but he could feel it swimming in his chest.  The shame, the fear, the creeping onslaught of something about to break.  He released her fingers, pushed the chair out of his way, and marched for the door.  He let the door shut behind him before the dog could follow him out.

He kicked a rock, and then another.  Every single rock he came across as he stomped across the grass gritting his teeth.  He brushed his sleeve angrily across his eyes—what a stupid thing to cry over.  So what if his mom didn’t let him in on every detail about her life?  But she should have.  Maybe.

He grabbed onto the lowest branch of the tree and hoisted himself upward.  And the next, and on and on.  It was sturdier now than when he was a boy, but he was smaller then and it had always felt like the thickest, toughest piece of flora on the overgrown moon.  He climbed as high as he could until he could sit and see the stars, even through the leaves.

Poe tried to breathe—tried to at least focus on that.  In and out.  He looked up at the stars and tried to name them when only focusing on breathing was too difficult.  There was still something calming about them, blinking way out there in the distance.  The part of him that yearned to be out there—not on a transport, but with a stick in his hands—that part was still there waiting quietly.  Sometimes it grew a bit stronger, but on nights like tonight, it was stuffed down into the bottom of his gut.  But Poe could still feel it there, silently waiting.

He sniffed and rubbed at his face again.  They were probably all in the house talking about the scene he’d made.  Wondering if letting him live on his own in a big city had been a good choice.  Probably planning to call the doctor he’d seen in town in the morning.  He took another breath when he heard the leaves rustle and the branches creak below him.

“Is it okay if I join you?” Rey asked, her brown buns poking through the foliage below him.

Poe scooted wordlessly down the thick branch he was on, making space for her.  It shook slightly as she sat, but was sturdy and strong and held true.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Poe had taken enough breaths to figure out how to get through this conversation.  If she even wanted a conversation.  He didn’t know what she wanted—why she was up here.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said.

“For what?”

“For… you know… getting upset.  Ruining dinner.”

Her shoulders shrugged and she flicked a dried leaf off the branch.  “Your friends died.  I think you have the right to be upset about that.”

“Five years ago.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t—I didn’t put in four years and then opt out of the Navy, Rey.”  He didn’t know why he was going to tell her this.  He barely knew her.  And hell, most of it was classified.  He could go to jail for talking about it with anyone other than his therapist.  “We weren’t ready.  We shouldn’t have gone in.  The fleet—the fleet wasn’t even in the same sector.  There were so many of them, and I tried—I tried to save them.  I was the squadron leader.  We shouldn’t have even been there.”

“Poe…”  She was trying to keep her voice even and steady, but there was an emotion there.  Soft and comforting.  “Can I touch you?  Is that all right?”

He glanced over at her and nodded slightly.  Her fingers wrapped around his hand first, and then she scooted closer to him until she was practically hugging his arm.  She breathed softly and entwined her fingers with his, rubbing soothing circles with her thumb on the back of his hand.

“I should confess,” she started slowly, “Finn and I talked about you.”

Poe clenched his jaw.  His arm tensed.  She could feel it and reached over with her other hand to rub his arm.

“I pushed him.  He just confirmed what I had already put together after the incident on the train.  Not the details, of course, but…  He cares about you a lot.”

Poe swallowed and nodded.  “I know.  He’s the only one I talked to after…  I mean, after here.  After they let me leave.”

“He’s the only one you felt you could talk to.  Could be honest with.”

Again, he nodded.  “Finn saved my life.”

“I know that, too,” Rey said quietly.

“You sure do know a lot for someone I just met.”  He meant it to sound humorous, but he wasn’t sure it came out that way.

Rey took it in stride, though, no matter how sharp or strained his voice sounded.  “Would you like to know something about me?  Make it even?”

Poe gave her a sideways glance, unsure of what kind of bargain this was.  It seemed like something he’d feel like an ass for agreeing to.  Her life was none of his business, even if she had wormed her way into his.  “Not if you don’t actually want to tell me.”

“You got anything in your pockets?” she asked with a grin as she unwrapped her arms from around his.

“What?”  Poe squinted at her and the sudden topic jump.  With a sigh, he dug around until he found a credit chip buried in a trouser pocket and handed it to her.

Poe yelped as she tossed it out of her hand, sending it flying off into the night.  He _needed_ those credits because he was an unemployed student, which she knew.  Rey was smiling, and her hand was still outstretched.  Her other hand reached up and pushed his face to look out to what she was reaching for.

There.  Hovering almost a meter beyond her fingertips.  Spinning one direction, then another.  It was his credit chip.  Suspended in air.

“Shh,” she hushed as her fingers beckoned the piece of plastic and metal back until it was just in front of his face.

Cautiously, he plucked it out of the air and then tucked it safely back into his pocket.  He could have asked how, but he knew how.  Even after the war, the how still wasn’t talked about.  The propaganda had run too deep into society to be expelled, yet.  Rey and her dads had been smart to keep that to themselves, but Poe realized it must have been lonely.

“I hope you’re not upset with Finn,” she said after a quiet moment.

“Nah.  If he told you all that stuff, it’s because he trusts you and thought it was for the best.  Even if I don’t like it, I know he has my back.”

“I want you to know that I have your back, too.  If you want to leave and go back to the Core, let’s go.  If you want to stay up here all night, I’m down for that, too.”

“Why?” he asked.  It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, he just didn’t understand what he’d done to deserve that kind of devotion from people.

She gave him a smile that was somewhere between admonishment and comfort.  Again, her hand found his.  “I could list all the things I like and find endearing about you, but you’d probably deny them all so it would be a pointless exercise and end with both of us being upset and frustrated.”

He couldn’t deny that.  He knew he had a hard time seeing his own positive qualities and balked at the idea of someone else pointing them out.  It was not healthy, he knew.  But he had caught something else in her words—something small and special.

“You like me?” he asked, a smile creeping across his face.

“I thought maybe all the hand-holding and the kissing was a clue, but yes.  I like you quite a lot.”

There was a warming feeling that started low in his stomach and spread up through his chest.  It made him duck his head and run a nervous hand through his hair as the warm feeling reached his cheeks.  Her hand was still firmly wrapped around his, so he squeezed her fingers and licked his lips and looked back at her.

“I really like you, too.  I’m sorry—”

“No,” she stopped him.  “Don’t start apologizing.  Not to me, anyway.”

Poe sighed.  And here they were having such a nice conversation that his thoughts had started to wander away from why they were up here in the first place.  “Why didn’t she tell me?  I was drowning and she didn’t think telling me she’d been through the same thing would be helpful?”

Rey gave him a sad, but understanding look and shook her head gently.  “I can’t tell you why, Poe.  You think you should be over losing your squad after five years, but there’s no timeline on grief.”

“Do you still…” he paused, wondering if it was any of his business, or even how to phrase the question.  “About your parents?”

Rey shrugged her shoulders and looked out into the night sky, at least what they could see through the tree’s leafy cover.  “Hard to mourn what you don’t remember, really.  I do think about what they would have been like a lot, even now.  I mourn the chances we never got.  A part of me will always miss them, but, you know, I have to live my own life.  That’s what they would have wanted most.”

Poe nodded.  “I know that’s what my team would want, but…”  He sighed and focused for a second on her warm fingers entwined with his.  “I wish they were here, and I still blame myself for it.”

“I know.”

“Not going to tell me that I shouldn’t?” he asked with a wry grin.

“Nah, you know it already.  I can’t change how you feel.  You have to get there on your own.  Finn, me, your parents—we’re support, but it’s all on you.”

“Maybe that’s the problem.  Doesn’t turn out so well when it’s all on me.”

“Doesn’t mean you quit trying.”

 

 

Poe sat in that tree with Rey long enough to cool down.  He’d realized early on in his outburst that what he’d done was hurtful.  Not that he didn’t feel correct—she should have told him.  But perhaps he shouldn’t have made such a display during dinner with their friends.  He should have done what he was trying to do now, which was try and talk to her alone and when he felt more level-headed and sure of what he wanted to say.

Rey volunteered to take Bee out for a walk, which the dog happily went along with, as if she’d never been on a walk before in her life.  His father had gone out to smoke in the shed with Baze and Chirrut.  Though Poe knew his mother probably would have liked to join them, she was at the kitchen sink still washing and putting things away.  Taking her time as she always did when something was bothering her.

“Hey, baby,” she said lightly, turning her head to smile at him.  Poe could see her eyes were still red and puffy.

“I’m sorry, Mama.”

“I know, baby.  It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.  I shouldn’t have put all that on you.”

The water turned off and she wiped her hands quickly on a towel before turning around.  She crossed the space between them quickly and wrapped him in a tight hug.  There was a gentle rocking motion in her movements, as there often was in these motherly, all-encompassing embraces.

“No, Poe, you were right.  I should have told you about what happened on Scarif.  I should have told it to you a long time ago, right alongside the ones about Endor and Naboo.”  She pulled away and patted his cheek gently before moving away to pull a couple mugs out of the cupboard.

Poe fell into a chair at the small table as he waited for her to make two cups of tea.

“It’s the sort of story you would have loved.  A daring mission into the heart of the Empire’s most protected data cache.  The mission that stopped the Death Star, saved the galaxy.”  She walked over with the mugs and set one down in front of him before settling into her own chair.  She didn’t drink out of her cup, just held it in both hands on the table as she told the story.  “It was a bloodbath, though.  Outside of Endor and Jakku, it was probably the bloodiest, deadliest fight.  History says Alderaan was the wake-up call for the galaxy, but that’s because they didn’t know about what happened on Scarif.  We knew they’d use it on civilians, didn’t realize they’d use it on their own people.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Poe said, reaching over to touch her hand.  “You don’t have to tell me what happened.  I get it.  People died… people you cared about and think you should have been able to save.  I just… I just want to know why you never told me.  Not like, details, but that you _got it_.  That I wasn’t alone.”

“I did, sort of.  While you were in that coma for six weeks and we didn’t know if you were going to wake up…  I told you it’d be hard, losing people like that, but you were strong, and I would help you through it, if you would just wake up.  And then when you did, and you were…”

They both sighed as she trailed off.  Poe knew what he had been like.  His memories of that time were still fragmented and muddled, but he remembered what other people said, and what was recorded in his medical history.  He was catatonic—didn’t speak, had to be fed like a child.  Eventually, his mind caught up to his body, but it was the anger that got there first, followed swiftly by the grief.

“I thought: how can I tell him it’s going to get better when after thirty years I still hear Jyn screaming for Cassian.”

There was a long, quiet moment where they sat there.  Her hands still wrapped around her mug while Poe sipped at his.  They could hear noises from outside wafting through the open window—bugs mostly, but every so often there’d be a hearty laugh from one of the men.

“So what happens now?” Poe asked

“Well, we pick ourselves up.  Keep moving forward.  Just because we still have bad days doesn’t stop good ones from coming.  I’m getting married in two days—I think that’ll be one of the best yet.”

Poe let out a breath in a sigh of relief, which his mother did not fail to notice.  “I thought you might tell me I should stay here and not go back to Hosnian Prime.  Call up Dr. Lapalo again.”

Her face finally broke into a small smile as she gave him a studying look.  “Do you really not see how far you’ve come?”

Poe looked down at his mug and idly picked at a chip on the rim.  “The, uh, the train.  When I met Rey, there was an accident with the train.  You know, the sudden stops, it makes me feel like I’m in that T-85 hitting the ground all over again.  I hadn’t had one in a while, a long while, so it hit me pretty hard.  And now, this.”

His mother pushed her chair back out and stood up slowly.  She walked over to him and pulled him out of his chair, wrapping him in another comforting embrace.  When she pulled back, she put her hands on his cheeks and pulled him down the few inches to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Perspective, baby.  We see our flaws the biggest because we’re the closest to them.  But back here,” she let go and took three steps away, smiling proudly at him the whole time.  “You’re shining so bright.  You fought your way back.  You made a goal and you’re working hard towards it.  You stumbled, but you processed and you coped and we had a composed conversation about it hours after the fact instead of weeks.”

It always took someone else pointing it out for him to see it, but he knew she was right.  He had come a long way, and though sometimes it felt like he was sliding back down into a pit, he knew it’d never be as deep as the one he was in after the crash.  He also knew he didn’t do it alone.  “I couldn’t have made it without you, Mom.  And Pop, and Finn.”

“And Rey?” she asked, eyebrow and voice raised slightly.

“Mom—”

“I’m just saying,” she said, raising her arms slightly.  “When you look at her, I see some of that spark.  I see that little boy climbing all over Green Four desperate to get in that cockpit.”

There was a slight nod of his head and his lips curled into a smile he couldn’t hide.  “You know what?  I feel it.”

Poe watched it creep slowly across his mother’s features.  It started with her rubbing the back of her hands and then traveled up until it was the proud smile glowing on her face.  “I’m glad,” was all she said before giving him a quick peck on the cheek and then practically bouncing out of the kitchen.  Poe sighed, shook his head, and laughed as he watched her leave.  Maybe she was right.  She usually was.


	8. Chapter 8

Poe woke up the next morning as he often did when he visited home: with a dog on his chest and a long tongue slapping at his face.

“Bee…” he groaned, trying not to open his mouth too much as he wrestled the animal off.

The sun was shining, as it often was.  Poe wasn’t sure, but something felt different about today.  He sat up on the bed and pushed the curtain away from the window to look outside.  It was still early and the dew was heavy on the grass.  It was a refreshing feeling, he realized.  A sensation he didn’t feel much anymore, but it was welcome and he hoped it would stick around for a while this time.

The day was full and busy, as was the farm.  His parents had hired some helping hands from town to come and set up all the tables and chairs and canopies.  Rey helped out her dads with the arrangements, and any other odd job that came up.  His mother disappeared into town when one of her pilot friends arrived and were gone for hours.  His father, who had been a mud-kisser in the war, seemed to rather enjoy playing the general of the preparations.

They took a much-needed break after lunch.  Though Pop kept barking that there were still many more tasks to be done, the Yavin jungle heat was not to be trifled with.  After nearly dunking his head in the trough that had been filled with ice and bottled beverages, Poe set out to find Rey.

They’d crossed paths moving and setting things up a few times, but only got a “hey” in.  It turned out, though, she was easy to find.  Poe just looked down at his dog and asked where Rey was and Bee took him straight to her—standing at the nose of his mother’s A-Wing, small towel draped across her neck.

“Think your mom would mind if I took a look around on the inside?  See what makes it go?” Rey asked as he walked up and handed her a bottle of water.

“Nah, but she’ll probably want you to look with your eyes, not your hands,” he told her with a grin.

Without waiting for any additional caveats, Rey went around to the backside of the ship and released the pull-tabs on the panel covering the engine.  She reminded Poe of a curious kitten, poking her head inside and craning her neck, careful not to stick her fingers too far in and move anything around.

“It’s really in great shape,” she commented, though muffled.

“She still flies it a few times a week,” Poe said, coming up around the other side.

“Oh, I can tell.  There’s some corrosion on this connector joint.  Not too bad—probably got about thirty flight hours left before it needs to be replaced.”

“I’ll make sure she knows.”

Rey shrugged and fitted the panel back into place.  “She probably already does, but wouldn’t hurt to bring it up.  I could do it, if she doesn’t want to do it herself.”

Poe laughed.  “I’ll let her know.  I think she’d like showing someone else around this old bird.”

“You ever fly it?” Rey asked him, her fingers running across the faded paint.

Poe swallowed as he nodded.  “Yeah.  I learned to fly in this thing.  She used to take me up when I was a kid and show me the stars.  Some of my best memories are in that cockpit.”

“Do you miss it?” she asked.  It was a poignant question, prying in the way that many of her questions hadn’t outright been before.  But maybe they had gotten to that point where she could try and drag things out of him.  And maybe he was at a point where he’d let someone do it.  If that someone was Rey.

“Yeah,” he said finally.  “For a second, I miss it a whole hell of a lot.  And then my chest starts to squeeze as I think about what it’s like to fall out of the sky.  Then I miss it more, because now I’m afraid of it when it used to be the reason I got up in the morning.  It’s a whole… cycle.”

She looked over at him, squinting in the sunlight.  “I want to hug you, but it’s really hot and we’re all sweaty and gross.  And you stink.”

Poe laughed and peeled his shirt away from his damp skin.  It was true.  That didn’t stop him from lunging at her and trying to wrap her up in a big, sweaty bear hug.

“No!  No!” she squealed with laughter as she deftly evaded his grasp.  “We’ve still got work to do!  I don’t want to smell like _man_ the rest of the day!”

“Neither do I!” he exclaimed and reached for her again, but she jumped back and flung her towel at him.

“Hey!  There’s still more to do if you’ve managed to find time to play!” his father barked at them from across the yard.

“Oh shit, it’s the fuzz,” Rey snickered and started to scamper away.  “I already have two dads on my case.”

“I’ll come find you later,” he called after her as she walked away.

“Only if you shower first.  And wash my towel.”

“Pretty sure it’s my towel!”  He grinned as he listened to her laughter trail behind her as she headed back towards the cooler hangar where Chirrut was working on the flower arrangements.

“Hey,” his father said, smacking him on the shoulder as he walked up.  “You can flirt tomorrow.  We got work to do.”

Poe scoffed.  “I wasn’t flirting.”

“Uh-huh.”

Through extensive coaching from his father, as well as the guests that arrived throughout the day and were put straight to work, they got all the furniture and decorations set up and squared away.  With his mother still not back, a new problem was on the horizon in the way of food.  Pop insisted he had it all sorted though, and started an assembly line of “volunteers” to season meat and veg and toss it onto the grill.  Soon the yard was full of delicious smells (as all of the those pressed into labor cycled through the showers and into the food line).  Someone also turned on the speakers that had been set up and started pumping in some music.  There was only mild fussing from his father and a few of the older guests on what was appropriate to listen to.

His mother came back not too long after the food was going out.  Hera Syndula and a large garment bag were in tow.  She laughed and evaded her husband’s grasp as he tried to sneak a peek at what was in her dress bag.

“Hey, Ms. Syndula,” Poe said as she passed by.  “Where’s Jason?”

“Poe!  You look good!”  Hera came in for a quick hug as she followed his mother, who looked like she was on a mission, towards the house.  “Jason will be here tomorrow!  He’ll be excited to see you!”

“Same!” Poe called after her with a grin.

Poe recognized most of the people who were there, but got tired rather quickly of answering the same questions over and over.  Everyone was polite and none of the questions strayed too close to sensitive topics, but after an exhausting day, it was starting to get to be too much.  Poe realized he needed to get out of this situation, at least for tonight.  He’d need everything in reserve to handle the huge event the next day would be.

“Mama?” he said, knocking on the door to her room.

The door opened just a crack with one green Twi’lek lekku barely peeking out.  “The shop didn’t finish up all the alterations in time, so we’re winging it.  What’s up, kiddo?”

“Is that Poe?”  He heard her ask.  “It’s okay, Hera.  I need to put my arms down for a minute anyway.”

“Is there still food left?  It smells amazing.”  When Poe nodded, Hera turned and called back into the room, “I’ll go grab us some plates.”

“Thanks, Hera—you’re a lifesaver.”

The door opened and Hera went out and Poe went in.  Standing in what looked to be an operating theater of sewing needles and bobby pins was his beautiful mother in a pearl white gown covered in embellished lace.  Her dark, curly hair, which matched his own, including a few grey threads, was pulled up on top of her head with a few errant curls dancing across her shoulders.

“Hey, baby,” she said with a smile as she shook out the tension in her arms.

“Mom… you look amazing.”

“You don’t think it’s a little garish I’m wearing white when I have an adult son?” she asked with a laugh.

“Well, it is officially your first wedding.  I think you still get this one.”

“I wish grandpa was here for this,” she said with a sad smile.

“Me, too.”  Poe knew there were a lot of people she wished could be here for this, but didn’t say anything more.

“Did you need something, baby?  Everything okay out there?”

“Yeah, Pop’s got everyone taken care of.  Set up is done and looks great.  I’m beat though, so I’m gonna go chill out in the cave.”  He wasn’t asking for permission, though it kind of felt that way since he was bailing on the picnic celebration.  He just wanted her to know where he was, that he hadn’t checked out completely.

“I’d come over there and give you a big ol’ kiss, but I don’t want to fall on my ass.  Love you, baby.”  She kissed her palms and blew it towards him.  Poe smiled and made sure to shut the door all the way when he left.

 

 

The Damerons called it a cave, but it was a loft inside the building where they kept the auto-harvester out near the fields, away from the main house and the hangar.  It had gone from the place where they stored seasonal furnishings and old clothes to a boy’s favorite hiding spot.  When Poe was a teen, they reinforced the beams and used a pulley to put a couch up there.  It became a refuge once he was able to move around on his own well enough after the crash.

Poe put his arm over his nose to shield from the dust as he pulled the plastic off the furniture and tossed it over the side.  All his visits home in the past couple years had been quick in-and-outs, and he knew his parents usually stayed out of the loft.  It certainly felt like no none had been up here in quite some time.

He was two beers in, lounging across the couch watching a sportscast on the small holoprojector.  There was a datapad full of law cases for a class next term laying on his chest, but he had barely looked at it.  He thought he heard the crinkling of the plastic wrapping down below, but didn’t think anything of it until he saw a brown ponytail popping up from the hole in the floor for the ladder.

“It’s not a rebuilt Imperial walker, but I guess barn lofts have their charm,” Rey said giving him a smug grin.

“Hey,” Poe said, sitting upright on the couch and making room for her.  “Sorry, I snuck away.  Beer?”

Rey fell into the couch next to him and took the offered bottle.  “Who’re you hiding from?”

“Everyone.”  Poe took a swig and then quickly corrected himself when he saw the look of shock on her face, “Not you, though!  I thought about trying to find you, but then the idea of wading through all those people and having the exact. same. conversation over and over…”

Rey laughed and knocked her shoulder against his.  “I’m kidding.  I get it.  If I _really_ thought you wanted me to leave, I would, though.”

“I don’t.  I’m really glad you’re here, Rey.”

“Me, too.”  She smiled and clinked her bottle against his before taking a drink.  “So, are you doing anything up here or just napping?”

“Watching Corellia murder Arkanis, which is always a good time,” he said, gesturing vaguely towards the holoprojector.  “Trying to get some reading in for next semester, but it’s all gibberish at this point.”

“Come on, Poe.  Aren’t you on holiday?”

Poe leaned back and looked at her—her brilliant smile and the gleam in her eyes.  He loved that look, he realized, not entirely sure why.  He took her free hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingers gently.  “I was always the kid who had to run everywhere, the cadet who ran extra sims, and always had to do one more scan on patrol.  And then… everything stopped.  I keep pushing myself to get back to that place, but…”

“You didn’t have to force it before,” she finished for him.

“I miss that guy I used to be.  Sometimes I think…”  He sighed, wondering if he should give voice to this morbid thought that often plagued him.  “He’s not here.  I have to accept he died along with Karé and everyone else.”

“No,” she stated rather definitively.  Rey pushed the datapad off his lap and onto the floor and then took the two bottles and set them on the table.  Poe watched her intently, completely not ready for when she planted her knees on either side of his legs and straddled his lap.  She draped her arms around his head, off the backside of the couch and leaned in close.  “You are not dead.”

Her lips met his, gentle at first, and then she wanted more, with her tongue sweeping over his lips, he opened up to her.  Her fingers dug into his hair while her legs hugged against him.

“You are confident when you kiss me,” she said quietly, her breath wafting against his lips.

Poe could only nod once before capturing her lips with his again.  He grabbed onto her thigh and twisted his torso until he had her underneath him laying on the couch.  His lips never left hers, like he was breathing in her essence and absorbing whatever power she had to make him feel this free.

“You know what you want,” she said when his lips left hers and started to travel across her jaw to her throat.

He nodded again, unable to formulate any sort of response.  He was buzzed on the beers, but intoxicated on her—the floral smell of her freshly shampooed hair, the freckles on her nose, and the way her legs wrapped eagerly around his.  If Poe could have taken the time to think about what this surge of desire and anticipation felt like as he pushed the thin strap of her shirt over her shoulder and down her arm, perhaps he would have recognized it.  But he didn’t think.  Because that’s what flying had always been—something he raced towards with arms open wide.  Consequences were not something he considered, but rather dealt with in the moment.  Worries and doubts never came into play.

As he sat up and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, ready to pull it up over his head, he stopped.  For a moment, he came back down to the ground and hesitated.

Rey reached forward and slid her hand under his shirt, soft fingers grazing his torso.  “It’s all right, Poe,” she said with a smile he knew was all for him.  “I saw you with your shirt off yesterday, remember?  In the hangar with the flowers?”

Poe thought he might be blushing, though he was trying not to.  He hadn’t even realized it at the time, perhaps so hung up on the surprise that she was here.  He pulled his shirt off over his head and leaned back over her as her fingers traced along the scars on his chest and shoulder.  It was worse on his back, where there had been blowback from the engines after the crash.

“It must have hurt,” she said gently as her fingers moved, tracing along the discolored and puckered skin.

“Yeah.”  Poe closed his eyes.  There was that intoxicating feeling again where all he could focus on was the feel of her hands moving over his skin.  The feeling chased away the terror of those horrific memories.  It wasn’t a peace, but it was closer than Poe had ever been.  “They said I was unconscious, that my brain was so swollen, there’s no way I could have been aware of what was happening.”

He opened his eyes and brushed the strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail out of her face.  He didn’t want to visit this horror on her.  The traumas that he had were his and she didn’t deserve to be dragged down with him.  Because he remembered it—all of it.  Even if he shouldn’t have been able to.

“Poe…”  She leaned towards him and kissed him again, soft and reassuring.  “The only way I’m going is if you ask me to.  Tell me, or don’t, but you don’t have to protect me.  I’m all in.”

He sighed against her and kissed her cheek, her throat, and lower.  “I want to do something other than talk right now.”

There was a small laugh that rumbled in her chest that spurred him on.  With some contortion on the small couch, they divested each other of what remained of their clothing.  It was a rush of passion, like sprinting through an open field, but he tried to take his time and discover Rey and what she liked.  Like the ticklish spot, just next to her hip, where every time he kissed there she would twist and giggle.

In turn, Rey was just as attentive.  Hands discovering him in a way that he hadn’t been touched in a very long time.  She kept him in the moment—told him what she liked and asked him questions, though often the most he could manage was a pleasured moan.  In the seconds before they fell off the edge, there was a warm feeling that bloomed in his chest and wrapped around him.  For the briefest of moments, it was almost too warm, and then, as she came apart, the bubble seemed to burst and spill around them.

“Poe…” she breathed his name in a contented sigh and held on, bringing him the rest of the way with her.

He thought maybe he’d drifted off for a second, up onto a cloud high in the sky.  The next sensation he had was the gentle laugh next to him as Rey, who somehow already had her shirt back on, brushed her fingers through his hair and whispered, “You got any napkins or tissue up here?”

Poe blinked, his brain slowly turning over and coming back down to the ground.  “I don’t think we should get dressed yet.”  She laughed again and he waved over to a shelf in the corner where there should be a box of tissues.

He was about to drift away again, just for a minute until he legs could remember how to move, but—

“Rey!  Rey, are you in here?” a voice shouted from down below.

“Yeah, Dad, I’m a little busy!” she called back.

Poe swore and fumbled around on the floor for his pants, not wanting to stand up and chance Chirrut seeing all of him through the railing.  “Did you know he was coming?” he whispered at Rey.

There was a chortle from down below that made Poe bury his face in the couch and wish he could teleport out of this mess and into the cold vacuum of space where he could just freeze with his shame and embarrassment.  Rey, who had managed to swiftly get all her clothes on, dropped the tissue box in front of him and then gathered all his clothes and pushed them into a pile next to the couch.  He mumbled a thanks as she walked over to the railing overlooking the barn below.

“I know the center pieces need to be finished,” she said, rather tersely, like she too was fighting back the awkwardness of what their very lovely encounter had turned into.  “I was just taking a quick break.  Can you tell Baze I’ll be over in a few minutes?”

“Uh-huh,” was the obviously unconvinced reply.  “Most of the guests have left.  I’m sure your father would appreciate some help cleaning up, Mr. Dameron.”

“Five minutes!  Please, Chirrut?”

There was a sigh and a clinking noise which Poe could only assume was Chirrut tapping his chronometer before he heard the footsteps leaving the barn.  It was Poe’s turn to sigh as he sat up and hastily finished putting on his clothes.

“So much for round two.”

Rey turned and for a moment he managed to get a grin out of her, but her face fell and she went back to adjusting the straps of her shirt and her belt buckle.

“Rey…” he said, calling her back to come sit beside him.  “We’re both adults.  And yeah, it’s embarrassing we got caught, but—”

“It’s not that, Poe,” she said as she settled onto the couch and busied her hands by pulling on her shoes.  He watched as she tied her laces, and then tied them again.  He wasn’t used to seeing her so flustered.

“You don’t… regret it, do you?”

“No!”  She shot up and turned towards him quickly.  She even went as far as to kiss him, full and firm, right on the lips to emphasize that point.  But as she pulled away, he could see the trepidation on her face.  “Who do you think taught me about the Force?”

Poe searched her features, her eyes, trying to understand what was wrong.  It took him a long, long second to find and finally put all the hunches and clues together.  “Oh.  Well.  That makes a lot of sense actually.”

“It’s not just the propaganda and weird suspicions people still have.  I’m not very good at controlling it all of the time.  Chirrut teaches me what he can, but you know he wasn’t an actual Jedi.”

Poe still had a rather blank look on his face, not quite grasping why this situation had her so out of sorts.  While her parents annoyed her with their antics, she usually handled them with warmth and affection.  Any barbed remarks were always in jest.  And what the Force had to do with any of it, Poe didn’t know.

“I’ll probably have to spend the rest of the trip meditating and get a ridiculously long lecture about control and letting my emotions get the better of me.”  She groaned and put her face in her hands.  “Not to mention that any Force sensitive person in a square kilometer probably felt me have the best orgasm of my life.”

Poe opened his mouth, and it hung open for a second.  The first thought was _oh, so that’s what that was.  Wow.  Talk about a transcendent experience_.  However,

“Best orgasm of your life?” was what left his mouth.

“So far,” she said with a coy little grin and gave him a quick peck before climbing down the ladder and heading out of the barn.

Poe gave himself a minute to put the rest of his clothes on and tidy up the space, and try to sort through the complex emotions now churning around in his chest.  It felt good, really good, but there was always that feeling hanging just around the corner.  Waiting for the other shoe to fall.  He pushed it away.  She was good for him, and he thought, maybe, he was good for her, too.

He glanced down at the door they’d left open and stars, did he want to chase her.  She had only been gone a minute, but he was ready to run after her.

Through the open door bounded the golden dog barking excitedly.  Likely happy the door had finally opened.

“Did you get locked out, Bee?”  The dog yipped in response and turned in circles around the ladder as Poe climbed down.  He reached down and scratched her head.  “Let’s go see if Pop’s got some scraps saved for you.”


	9. Chapter 9

For all the fussing, last minute emergencies, and threats to just call the whole thing off, the later-than-intended wedding went exactly as Poe’s mother had wanted.  He could tell from the way she glowed brilliantly in her dress and how she looked at his father, and how he looked at her.  Poe felt it as she squeezed his arm as he walked her down the aisle between the wooden benches set out as seats decorated with white ribbon.

“Thank you for being here with me, Poe,” she whispered to him as they walked.

Poe pressed his hand over hers holding onto his arm and smiled.  “Thank you for never giving up on me,” he told her in response.

He kissed her carefully on the cheek and squeezed her hand again before his father was the only one she was smiling at.  Poe took his seat in the front row, next to Rey.  He smiled at her and entwined his fingers with hers.

The officiant, who had arrived at the very last minute, had her back turned and seemed to be fidgeting with a device in her hands.  “Ah!  There it is!” she exclaimed before turning around.  She pulled the pair of small spectacles off her face and tucked them away into a pocket of her flowing vestments.

Poe gasped and barely registered the poking sensation on his arm.

“Is that Senator Organa?” Rey whispered, but Poe could not form a response.

The Senator’s long hair was tied up in intricate braids and instead of the muted colors often worn in the Senate halls, her robes were a bright, regal purple.  She turned the datapad in her hands around to show the crowd, obviously proud of what she’d found.

“I know most of you can’t see this, but it’s not for you.  Thirty years ago, on a ship called the _Liberty_ , I was walking through a hangar and I met these two people—” She gestured to the datapad, where Poe could barely make out the fuzzy image, perhaps taken from some surveillance camera.  How she managed to get her hands on it after the ship had been destroyed at Endor, he had no idea.  “—very much in love.  I told them that I was a Princess and a Senator, so _anything_ I did was legally binding.

“Well,” she paused and smiled at the audience, giving them a chance to chuckle.  “As there was no more planet I was a Princess of and the Senate dissolved, apparently, I was wrong.  I am very sorry for that.  But the good thing is we get to do it all over again!

“You two are still in love, right?” she asked.

His parents laughed and nodded.  “Yes, ma’am,” Kes made sure to tell her emphatically.

“Great!  That makes my job easy!”

“Did you know about this?” Rey asked, again in a whisper next to his ear.

Poe shook his head and watched in awe as Leia Organa married his parents, apparently for the second time.  She made jokes and bantered back and forth with them and the audience.  Everyone laughed, and no one seemed to think it was as completely out of the ordinary as he and Rey did.  The rest of the ceremony passed in a shocked blur until he was standing in front of the legendary figure of the Rebellion.  There was a glass of wine in his hand he nearly dropped from how bad his fingers were trembling, but Rey appeared beside him and looped her arm in with his.

“I saw you fly once,” she told him, a sparkle in her eye.  “It was a Constitution Day air show.  Think it’s the only time I’d seen your mother off this moon.”

Rey’s grip around his arm tightened slightly and Poe watched as she glanced from him to Leia.  “Poe’s focused on school and politics these days.”

“I’ve heard!  You should meet with my assistant, Greer, and set up a time to visit my office at the Capital.  Get a firsthand view!”

“Uh—wow.  I don’t know what to say,” Poe said, the shock surely showing on his face.  “Really?  Are you sure?”

There was a small laugh as she reached out and touched his arm gently.  “Of course!  What you did for this Republic—what you all did—the galaxy owes you a debt it could never repay, Commander Dameron.”

Poe couldn’t help the flinch in his features.  Not from her touch, though she pulled back gracefully and folded her hands together.  He hadn’t been called by his rank in so long of a time, and it still felt like poison.  It was a reminder that he had been the one in command, and the only one to return home.  “Yes, ma’am,” was all he could get out.

“You don’t believe me.”  It wasn’t a question, but rather an interested observation.  The small smile never left her features as she turned towards Rey.  There was a moment that passed, and if Rey hadn’t tried to float away his credits or whatever had happened the previous night hadn’t happened, he likely never would have noticed.  They were both quiet and looking at each other.  Neither said a word, but Poe could swear there was a conversation happening.

“For many of the same reasons what happened on Scarif was never public knowledge, neither is what happened five years ago.  Perhaps it’s time they all knew just how close we came to another war, and we honor, publicly and loudly, those who sacrificed everything to stop it.”

Poe swallowed and nodded his head quickly.  He understood what she was saying.  To some extent, he agreed, but it also meant everyone would know.  Even though Poe Dameron was the only person Poe had ever met that felt it was his fault, the information would be out there for people to dissect and make commentaries on.

But Snap deserved to know why his wife was dead.  Karé deserved to be buried as a hero, and not as a training mission gone wrong.  So, Poe nodded again, and offered his hand to the Senator.

She shook it with a smile.  “Thank you, Mr. Dameron.  I hope we meet up soon on Hosnian Prime.”

“I’d very much like that, ma’am.”

“Are you all right?” Rey asked, moving in front of him after the Senator had walked away.  She took the wine glass from his hand and took a quick drink of it before asking again.

“No.  I mean…”  He wiped a hand over his face and clenched his fists several times to try and wring out the tension.  “Princess—Senator—Leia Organa wants to meet me.  Again.”

“And the other stuff?  Are you okay with all of that?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a slow sigh.  “But it’s all going to come out now.  And it should come from me.”

He wasn’t a pilot anymore, or a soldier, but there was one thing he’d always hold true in his heart and it was that he was Rapier Squadron’s leader.  He carried all their triumphs, missteps, camaraderie, and tragedy.  If it was time for their heroic deeds to come to light, including his failings that lead to their deaths, he’d be the one to deliver the report.

“Will you be there?” he asked Rey.

She touched the side of his face gently and smiled.  “Of course.”

 

 

They stayed on Yavin for several more days after the party had ended.  Chirrut had been reluctant to let Rey stay on her own, but he was repeatedly reminded, by both Rey and Baze, that she was an adult and he had a flower shop to look after back home.

“Be mindful and present,” he told her before they left.

Poe noted that Rey made no promises except to make the attempt.

“Isn’t there a Jedi saying about ‘do or do not’—”

“Yeah, but no one here is a Jedi,” Rey told Poe, cutting him off.  He decided he’d try not to broach the Jedi subject again unless she brought it up.

His parents were excited they were staying longer.  They were happy to spend more time together, of course, but his father put them right to work.  Though, like kids, they often snuck off and found other entertaining things to occupy their time.  It was a lot of exploring places Poe hadn’t been to in years.  Rey was fascinated by the diverse jungle—the plants, flowers, birds, and other animals.  As well as the history of the old Massassi Temple rebel base and the battle that had been fought in the moon’s orbit.

Though the Temple was now considered a protected heritage site, the remoteness of the moon had saved it from being turned into a museum or tourist hotspot.  While some people still made the pilgrimage, it remained nearly untouched since the Rebellion had abandoned it after the destruction of the first Death Star.  Nearly… except for the miscreant local youths.

“You sure it’s safe up there?” Poe called up to Rey as she made a precarious trek across some old, hanging, metal walkways.

“Probably not,” she answered, but that didn’t take away the smile on her face.  “Can you imagine it, Poe?  All those X-Wings lined up ready to take on the planet killer?”

He could, of course—it was something that had been in his thoughts a thousand times as a kid.  He ran around this old place reenacting that battle over and over.  It wasn’t a memory he really went back to anymore—too wrapped up in the worries of the present.  But it did make him smile, the way she balanced herself with her arms out and hopped around, recanting her own stories of that bygone era.

“Baze and Chirrut were here before Scarif.  The Rebellion was breaking, but Jyn wasn’t going to give up.  She lost everything, but she still had hope.”

“Shame she never got to see what it accomplished.”

Rey gave him a small smile in response before climbing through some broken pieces of grating and finding her way to a ladder.  As she slid down, Poe asked her, “Speaking of ghosts, did you ever meet Skywalker?”

Rey laughed as she brushed her hands on her trousers.  It was a nervous sort of laughter, and the way she glanced away and seemed to roll her answer over in her head betrayed some trepidation in her usual blasé confidence.  “No.  I had the chance to, once, but I got scared.”

“Scared?  You?”

“I figured if he wanted to like, teach me or whatever, I’d probably have to leave my dads, and I wasn’t ready for that.  Skywalker is this mythical figure—how would I ever live up to those kinds of expectations?”

“You could have just shaken his hand and asked for Jedi lessons via correspondence.”

Rey laughed again and shoved him lightly.  “You try to solve your problems by overthinking and rationalizing them.  I run away.”  Her fingers dragged along his arm thoughtfully before she looked back at him.  “There’s this power in me, and it’s terrifying.  Sometimes, I just kind of ignore it and hope it goes away, or I hide out in my walker.

“I tell myself I should live my own life—find what makes sense for me.  But I can’t help feeling…”

“Like you’re letting them down,” Poe finished with a sigh as he brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear.  He knew that feeling all too well.

“They were all scared, but they kept going, and look at what they accomplished.”

“I think…” Poe said thoughtfully after a moment.  “Maybe that’s the legacy we should try and follow.  Not following exactly in their footsteps, but not letting fear hold us back.”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.  “I like that.  Thank you, for sharing this with me, Poe.”

There was a small laugh as Poe turned his head away slightly.  “I’m the one who should be thanking you.  You’ve been holding me steady for weeks now.”  He took a breath in the hopes it would help push out what he wanted to say.  “There’s something else I want to share with you.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him, along with a cheeky smirk, but Poe laughed and shook his head and made a mental note of that for later.

Back home, Poe helped Rey fit the safety harness and the control box over one of his mother’s green flight suits.  “It’s different than a sim,” he reminded her.

Rey grinned and nodded.  “Yeah, but Shara quizzed me pretty hard before giving us the go-ahead.  I don’t think she would have agreed to this if she didn’t think I could do it.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” he said under his breath as he pulled the last strap tight.

She placed a hand gently on his cheek and gave him a soft peck.  “I trust you.  Plus, you’ll have Bee by your side, like old times.”

Poe glanced down at the dog sitting obediently, if not a bit restlessly next to him and tried not to scoff out a laugh as he shook his head.  “It is not even remotely the same.”

As she picked the helmet up off the ground, she gave the dog a good scruff on the head.  “This was your idea.  Usually I give you an out, but I am way too excited.  I want to see the stars, Poe.”

He nodded and moved the ladder out of the way after she had climbed into the cockpit.  He quickly settled in front of the comm equipment he’d dragged out of the hangar and pulled on the headset.  With a slight whine, Bee followed him and tucked up underneath his chair.  Poe ran Rey through all the preflight checks until he could hear her practically bouncing in the seat to just get up in the air already.

He thought about telling her to take it slow, be careful, pay close attention to what the bird was telling her, but he couldn’t.  Despite how much the trauma tried to hide it away from him, he remembered what it was like the first time he’d gone up by himself.  The slight tremble in his fingers as they ached to push the fighter as far as it would go.  The racing of his heart, the absolute glee at the feeling of weightlessness as the craft left the atmosphere.

So, he said nothing, and instead listened as Rey giggled when the A-Wing left the safety of the ground.  It was followed by a squeal as she barrel-rolled up into the clouds and streaked up and up until his eyes could no longer track her.  He knew she had made it to the stars when he heard her gasp and say, “ _It’s beautiful_.”

There was something different about how space looked inside one’s own ship.  The feeling of control; the ability to go anywhere and do anything.  He wondered if that feeling existed anywhere else outside of a cockpit.  Poe certainly hadn’t found it, yet.

“How’s it going up there?” he asked into the mic.

“ _I can’t even describe it.  This is_ amazing _!_ ”

“Give her all you got.  I’ve got override controls down here if you get into trouble.”

He didn’t need them, not that he thought he would.  And later, as the A-Wing came down through the clouds and settled back on the landing pad, Poe realized he’d had fun talking her through the quirks of the fighter and listening her to enjoy every second of the experience.  The fear had easily faded away with how confident and full of joy Rey was.

Bee wiggled out from under the chair and shot off to greet Rey as the canopy opened.  She darted in between Poe’s legs as he pushed the ladder over to the fighter.  When Rey didn’t climb out, Poe scratched Bee behind the ears to calm her down and then climbed a few rungs up the ladder.

“Everything okay in there?”

“Yeah,” she said breathlessly.  “I don’t want to leave.”

Poe laughed lightly as he reached in to help her disengage from the craft.  “I know that feeling.”  He took the helmet from her hands and placed it on a hook on the ladder.  He started to step down, to give her room to climb out, but her hand grabbed his and he stopped.  She looked at him, still with a wide grin on her face he was sure would be there the rest of the night.  She didn’t say anything, but he knew the question that was on her mind.  It was the same question his mother had after she’d finished her flight days ago, but never asked.

They stared at each other for a moment, both seeming to wait, but nothing came.

“Are you going to ask me?” Poe asked finally.

“Nah,” she said, scrunching up her nose.  “I’m just going to give you this long, meaningful look and hope that transmits some internal thought struggle.”

Poe laughed again and leaned in just far enough for a quick kiss.  “Maybe, one day,” he answered thoughtfully.  “This is the closest I’ve been in a long time.  It wasn’t all bad.”

“Almost pretty good?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll let you live vicariously through me.  I think that will be a good arrangement.”

“Oh, well, thank you.  That’s quite generous.”

Below them was a yip followed by an impatient whine.  Bee put her paws up on the ladder though she was too big of a baby to try and actually climb it.

Rey hummed thoughtfully as she peaked over the edge to look down at the dog.  “She misses you a lot, you know.”

“She’s a dog.  She misses anyone who leaves the room for five minutes.”

Rey chuckled and the fighter finally finished powering down and she relented on the controls.  Both back on solid ground, she took the time to pet Bee and tell her what a good girl she was and how helpful she had been to Poe.

“My parents got her as a puppy.  They had already picked her out from her litter when the crash happened.  She was supposed to be a farm dog—chase rodents and maybe herd some animals.”

“Sometimes the things we’re supposed to do don’t line up with what we’re good at,” Rey said thoughtfully, as if the statement wasn’t just for him and Bee.

“She’s pretty good at chasing rabbits, to be fair.”  Poe crouched down next to Rey and scratched Bee behind the ears.  “Her name was Ripley originally, but she became my constant companion after I got out of the hospital.  Like somehow Beebee-ate passed on that this was her job now.”

Bee barked and pounced right for Poe’s face, getting a few good licks in before being pulled back and then running around in a circle.  At least the licks had given him a reason to wipe his face and get rid of the tears hanging out in the corners of his eyes.

“Finn’s landlord doesn’t allow pets, huh?” Rey asked.

“With a deposit, but I didn’t want to ask my parents for the extra money.  Besides, I’m gone at school all the time.  She’d just be stuck in the house all day.”

With a sigh, Poe got to his feet and started to put all the stuff away.  Close down the equipment they’d brought out and put it back in the hangar.  Rey stayed kneeling next to Bee, gently running her fingers through her fur.  She was leaning in close, like she was whispering in her ear, occasionally nodding.  Poe didn’t pick up on what she was saying, but smiled.

He knew he was lucky.  Incredibly lucky.  For a lot of things, but especially to have the sorts of people in his life that cared about him so completely.  Poe tilted his head back and looked up at the stars as the sun had already faded away without his notice.  And maybe, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel like that luck was wasted.

Quietly, he said up to the stars, “Thank you.”


	10. Chapter 10

Poe didn’t want to wear his uniform, but he did it anyway.  He memorized his speech, though had only made it through completely reciting it once without feeling the need to bend over and catch his breath.  His parents had even made the trip to the Core, though he’d tried to tell them not to.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want them there, but they’d just had this huge, expensive party and they’d rarely left the farm in anyone else’s care.  They insisted it was fine, that everything was taken care of.  They had to be where they were needed, and right now, he needed them.

That old version of himself probably never would have admitted how much he needed his mother, or the continued support of all of the people in his life, but the version of him living today understood and appreciated it.  His mother hovered, and made loud and personal conversations with his roommates, who were all very excited about the rush of activity around the house.  His father was stoic, but supportive in his own way, offering to take care of a bunch of odd jobs around the house that Finn hadn’t had time to get to.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Finn asked him after pulling him aside, away from the dull roar that had infected their house.  Finn was dressed sharply in a dark suit with a fancy, colorful collar that was in fashion these days.  In fact, everyone was dressed up.  Nearly every person that was important to him would be at this event.

“It’s a bit too late to back out now,” Poe told him.

Finn placed a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.  “I’ve listened to that speech so much, I could probably do it if you need me to.  They might be a little confused, but I can be very charming.”

“Everyone keeps giving me an out, but this is something I have to do.  Even if it’s terrifying.”

Finn smiled and gave his shoulder another squeeze, then abruptly turned and clapped his hands together.  “Let’s go people!  Everyone make sure to tinkle first, traffic is going to be crazy.”

They took several hired speeders to the location of the memorial.  (Which had changed to a bigger venue now that Senator Organa herself was delivering a very important address.)  It became a bit of a competition, who was going to ride with Poe and deliver the last pieces of advice and comforting words.  None of them really stood a chance, though.  The door to his speeder popped open and Poe slid into the seat, careful to not crinkle his freshly pressed dress uniform too much.

“You clean up nicely,” Rey told him with a smile.

“Not too bad yourself,” he responded with a wink.  Rey was dressed simple, but elegant, with dark slacks and a flowing, cream colored blouse.  There was a corsage on her wrist made of mourning poppies and tied with an orange ribbon.  From what Poe understood, though he’d managed to tune out most of the details, Baze and Chirrut had made thousands of them for the ceremony.

There was a small whine from near his feet, but the big lump of golden fur didn’t move from her spot on the floor of the stretch cab.  Poe still marveled at how Rey had done it—gotten her to sit so obediently and not just leap all over him as soon as he got in the vehicle and get fur all over his freshly cleaned uniform.  Bee was even wearing a smart looking harness, a feat of itself as she’d barely even worn a collar living her free, farm dog life.

“You look nice, too, Bee,” Poe told the dog and there was a singular happy bark before she put her head back down as the cab started to move.

Rey didn’t ask him if he was okay, or if he was ready, just held his hand during trip.  Occasionally, she’d point out interesting things in the skyline, but mostly it was a comfortable silence that Poe appreciated.  Usually, too much quiet would make his mind wander too far and off an edge, but Rey had a warm, calming presence that kept him firmly in his seat.  Having Bee here helped, too, as Rey had convinced him it would.

“Oh, I have something for you,” she said as they neared the venue.  She reached over next to her and handed him her lucky, grey beanie.

“I’d be out of uniform,” he said with a chuckle.

“In your pocket.”  She smiled and stuffed the hat into the pocket of his dress coat.  It was a little bulky, but not obviously so.  “It’s lucky,” she reminded him.

“Yeah,” he said, leaning over to kiss her gently, “I believe it is.”

 

 

His friends and family all sat together near the stage where Poe could see them—Rey, his parents, Baze and Chirrut, Finn, Rose, and Paige; Bee laying obediently at Rey’s feet.  The families of Rapier Squadron were there as well, only a few seats away.  Poe wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that they would be right there, front and center, but it was too late to worry about that now.  Senator Organa gave the opening speech, followed by General Antilles and other important figures.  Poe barely paid attention to what they were saying as he repeated his own talking points over and over to himself.

Until finally—

“To speak about those who gave their lives in the defense of our Republic: Rapier Leader, Commander Poe Dameron.”

The applause was deafening, like thunder in his ears.  Each step he took was heavy, but carefully placed.  A gust of wind whipped across the stage and he broke his stride to keep his hat planted on his head.  As he stepped up to the podium, the wind faded and he made one final adjustment to his hat and jacket.  It was a black, almost obsidian podium, likely with the seal of the Republic emblazoned on the front, though Poe couldn’t see it from where he stood.  In front of him were prompters, but he had opted not to have his speech on the screens so they sat blank and transparent.

“Hello,” he said into a whining microphone.

There was an apology off-stage and then a wave to keep going.

“Let’s try that again,” he said, forcing out a small grin.  “Five years ago, I was Commander of Rapier Squadron.  In the preceding weeks and months, we had been receiving intelligence reports that Imperial loyalists were amassing arms and resources in the Unknown Regions.  I cannot speak to the politics of it.  How violent, fringe groups had managed to procure as many resources as they had, but the information my team was given was that they were building something—and it needed to be stopped.

“We were sent in as a covert information gathering op to determine the scope and location of their weapon.  As can happen, things did not go according to plan.  What we found was a threat, not just to the Republic, but to our entire galaxy.  I made the determination that we could not wait for the fleet to be in position for an organized offensive.  We were in the prime position to catch them unawares and take out their big gun before it was ever ready to fire.”

Poe paused for a breath.  There was a bottle of water sitting on the podium shelf, but he didn’t reach for it.  With how badly his hands were shaking, he’d probably spill it all over himself.  Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out Rey’s beanie.  He held it in front of him, still hidden behind the podium, and rolled the knitted fabric in his fingers.

“Captain Kun, Lieutenant Arana, Lieutenant Muran, Lieutenant Pava, and Cadet Lintra all agreed to the action that Rapier Squadron took, however it was ultimately my decision.  I was the commanding officer.  The responsibility falls to me.

“Our leaders will call them heroes now.”  At that, his eyes found Karé’s husband, Snap Wexley, sitting a few seats over from his mother.  He had his arms crossed tightly over his chest and his face was scrunched up like he was trying to hold back a waterfall of emotion.  “And they are, they deserve that recognition, but to me, they were my dearest friends.

“I have often felt unworthy of their sacrifice.  It has been a long struggle of acceptance, but I live each day with a renewed promise to never let their sacrifice be in vain.  We must all live each day as a promise—to never let hate and fear divide us, not to give voice to those who would see our freedoms stripped, and to never forget the sacrifices of those who have come before us.

“To Rapier Squadron, Rogue One, Alderaan, the Jedi, and all whose deeds and sacrifices lead to the peace we enjoy today: thank you.  May we always be vigilant and honor what you gave us.  And may the Force be with all of you.”

Hat still clutched in his fingers, Poe swallowed and took a step back from the podium.  He turned on his heels, and with careful, deliberately placed steps, he walked off the stage.  Waiting for him was Senator Organa with her proud smile, ready to shake his hand.  He had to quickly stuff the beanie back into his pocket before he accepted.

“When I speak to young people,” she started, still holding his hand firmly, “I talk a lot about the things we’re born to do and the things we’re called to do.  Being a pilot, perhaps that’s what you were born to do, but speaking for those who need a voice—that’s your calling, Poe.  No matter what you choose to do—politics, flying, teaching, or farming with your dad—we haven’t seen the best of you, yet.”

“Thank you, Senator,” he managed to say through the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing.

“I meant what I said on Yavin.  Come by my offices—soon.”  With another smile, she let go of his hand and was ushered away by her aids to her next engagement.

The plan was to quietly slip out the back and regroup for a private dinner back at the house, but several people wanted to shake his hand and tell him they enjoyed the speech.  The compliments he made sure to accept on behalf of his squadron, because that was what today was supposed to be about.  He nearly made it out to the speeder, when Snap Wexley found him and wrapped him in a giant hug.

“Thank you,” Snap gasped out, as if he’d been trying to hold it all in but just couldn’t anymore.  “I knew it couldn’t have been just a training accident.  You were all too good for that.  Thank you for making them finally admit it.”

Poe took a quick breath and hugged him back.  He squeezed his eyes shut and tried very, very hard to keep a hold on his own emotions, though he wasn’t sure if he did.  They pulled apart after a moment and Poe shook his head.  “It was Senator Organa.  She decided people needed to know the truth.”

“I don’t care,” Snap said as he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes.  “It’s out now, and I want to thank you.”  To emphasize, he poked Poe square in the chest with his finger.  Something Karé had done time and time again when she thought he was being stubborn.

Poe’s lips quirked slightly as the wash of memory hit him.  “Man, I miss her.  I miss all of them so much.  I’m sorry I kept dodging you.”

“No, don’t be.”  Snap pulled him for another hug.  “I miss her, too.”

 

 

Poe successfully dodged the majority of the media attention after the truth about Rapier Squadron and how the Republic, and the galaxy as a whole, had averted what could have been a devastating attack that lead to another war.  It helped that he immediately went back to the homeless university student look of never shaving and shoved his uniform to the back of the closet where it belonged.

What surprised him was how his mother handled the attention.  After Senator Organa had pushed the Republic to de-classify both Rapier Squadron’s mission and that of Rogue One, the survivors of the assault on Scarif did a sit-down interview with a popular HoloNet host.  Senator Rook was already a darling of the Populist party, and Baze and Chirrut were their usual charming selves, but they’d also asked Shara Bey to sit with them, as she had flown the transport that took them and the precious data cache off the planet just as the Death Star was firing.  Poe and his father had been nervous about the entire ordeal, but she handled it with grace and reverence, and both men found themselves getting a bit jealous as the rest of the galaxy fell in love with her.

The last time Poe had talked to her, she told him she was writing a book about her experiences.  After that, she was thinking about doing children’s books about piloting.  Poe couldn’t be prouder, a bit shocked, but he was already her biggest fan.

He did contact Senator Organa as promised.  She became an invaluable resource and mentor, giving him advice on where to focus his studies in the last year, and what to avoid.  He didn’t intern with her, as everyone involved figured it’d show obvious favoritism, but she set him up with a junior Senator she thought he’d get along with and they could teach each other a few things.  Poe found the practical application of politics and policy to be far more engaging and less distressing than the study of it had been.

Not to mention that this was a compensated interning gig, and the pay was quite a step up from his veteran’s education allotment.

The change in his daily duties necessitated a change of living arrangements.  He didn’t want to sleep in the office, and couldn’t be an hour train ride away in case there was an emergency.  Finn, Rose, and even Paige were all sad to see him go, and he’d grown quite used to the three of them.  They still all met up, but it wasn’t the same as late night philosophical ramblings over beers or Paige’s cooking.  He’d stayed in the tiny, one room flat for a year, until he and Rey decided that if they were going to live together, they needed a bigger space.

As Poe adjusted some of the décor in their new apartment, however, he realized this was the first time in a long time that he’d thought of a place as a home, and not just someplace he was crashing.  He shook his head as there was no time for deep thoughts and quickly fixed the pillows on the couch, picked up a few errant chew toys off the floor, and made sure Rey’s small forest of potted cacti collected on the buffet weren’t hovering too close to the edge.  The largest specimen, in a painted orange and white pot, was the one she’d been holding the first time they’d met.  Rey told him she’d kept it instead of putting it back in the batch to be sold.  There was something special about that one.  The rest were ones she’d collected in her travels.  Somehow, what she brought back always managed to be some sort of prickly plant.

Rey had continued to surprise him.  She had been the one who pushed for Bee to come back with them to Hosnian Prime.  At first, it had been only for the memorial and to see how she handled it.  She had done brilliantly, of course, so much so that even his mother suggested that Bee stay with him instead of going back to Yavin.  Rey took her during the day while he was at school, and when she couldn’t be with her, Baze and Chirrut were happy to make her their shop dog.  His mother had been back to Hosnian Prime a couple more times after the memorial, and always commented that Bee seemed so much happier to be with him.  He was happier, too, to have his faithful companion by his side.  Rey had done such a good job with her, she went from shop dog to office pup.  Poe didn’t go as far to call her his support animal, though she had a fancy, official looking vest when she was at work, but that was essentially what she’d always been.

With their new connection to Leia Organa, Rey took a chance when they’d crossed paths at a dinner and asked if the Senator would put her in contact with her brother.  Perhaps the time had come to embrace, or at least learn to control better, this power inside of her, instead of fearing it.  Poe missed her when she was gone, but it was only for short bursts.  She had laid out the ground rules that she wasn’t going to be some unattached hermit, and Poe was so proud of her.

The door buzzer went off and Bee, who easily reverted to rowdy, lovable pup when back at home, leapt at the chance to bark at the door and race back and forth.  Poe rushed to the door and gave Bee a good scratch on the head before letting his guests in.

Finn laughed and gave him a huge hug as soon as the door opened.  Bee got in on it, too, licking Finn’s hand until he scratched her ears and told her she was a good girl.  Rose gave him a quick hug before gushing about how nice his new place was.  Paige gave him a fist bump and a grin before slapping him on the back.

“I brought you some cookies,” she said, holding up a tray of a variety of delicious smelling deserts.

“Oh, man, I’ve missed your cooking, Paige.”

“I know,” she said with a little shrug of her shoulders and a wink before walking into the apartment.

“Where’s Rey?” Finn asked.

“Her transport landed and she is on her way.  Can you get the glasses?”

“Rose thinks you’re going to propose,” Finn told him as he pulled the wine glasses out of the cupboard and set them next to the yet unopened bottles.

“Uh—”  Poe tried not to swallow his tongue at the surprise of the assumption, but shook his head.  “Nah.  I mean, I’ve got some news, but I wasn’t—we just moved in together.  You know, we were spending all our time in that tiny place I had rented.  That’s a lot at once and—why would I invite all of you over to propose?”

Finn laughed and nodded emphatically.  “That’s what I said!”  Finn gave him a sly look though, like he knew that while Poe wasn’t planning on doing such a thing tonight, it was something that was somewhere on the radar.

The loud barks from the direction of the door followed by frantic whining signaled that Rey was nearly to the door.  Finn wasted no time popping open the bottles and filling the glasses while Poe rushed out to meet her.

“What’s all this?” Rey laughed as she dumped her bag next to the door and kissed Poe as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

“Poe has some news!” Rose said.  “And we all had to wait until you got back.  I wasn’t sure he would make it—he’s been ready to burst.”

“That’s great!  Well, let me just put this little guy down.”

Poe had hardly noticed, though somehow, she’d managed to save the small, potted cactus from being crushed when he hugged her.  It was two small spheres stacked together with a small, yellow blossom just barely blooming.  The pot, looking a bit too large for the plant it was holding, was painted with a motif of white wolves and a tall, shining, silver tower.  She quickly set it on the buffet with her other collected cacti as Finn was making trips out of the kitchen with glasses of wine for everyone.

“Oh, this is an occasion!” Rey remarked with a grin.

“How was Lothal?” Poe asked as she came back next to him and slipped an arm around his waist.

“No, no, I want to know what the big news is!”

“Okay, okay,” Poe said, and he could not contain his smile.  Hell, his cheeks were already hurting, but he couldn’t help it.  Not with Rey back here with him, his closest friends, and his dog.  “All of my work was submitted and accepted, so I will be walking the stage in six weeks.  Graduating—with high honors.”

Finn whooped, Rose and Paige clapped, Rey hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.  “I’m so proud of you, babe.”

“I will not be opting for the additional graduate courses, though, because…”  And he was just dragging it out now as he watched all their excited, expectant faces.  “I will be working as a full-time policy advisor for recently re-elected Senator Bodhi Rook!”

There were screams and Rey jumped which caused Bee to jump and Poe was sure there was now spilled wine on a few of them and the floor.  There were hugs and more whoops and slaps on his back.

“Well, I need to change my shirt before we go out,” Finn laughed and hugged Poe again.

“No, Bee, don’t lick the wine.  Not for dogs,” Rey said, pushing the dog’s curious nose away from the puddle on the floor.

Rose managed to keep everyone on task despite the excitement and get them out the door before they were late for their dinner reservations.  Finn borrowed one of Poe’s shirts; Paige found the cleaning spray and took care of the spills.  Rey had to change, too, as she’d been traveling all day, and Poe fed Bee, because she was definitely not coming to the fancy restaurant, despite how well-behaved she usually was.

“Hey, wait a second,” Poe said, grabbing Rey’s hand as they all filed out the door.  Finn pushed Rose and Paige on ahead to the lift down, taking a second to wink back at Poe.  Poe should have known he’d never get anything past Finn.

“I hadn’t planned on this for today,” he said as he stuck his hand into his jacket pocket.  “But I can’t see the point in waiting.

“Rey, you make me feel like I’m soaring, and I kept waiting for the bottom to fall out.  For the crash at the end.  But I know it’s not coming, because you also make me feel safe and comfortable.  And no matter where you go, I want you to know that you’ll always have a home, and me, to come back to.”

His finger slipped into the silver band in his pocket and drew it forth, holding it in between them.

She didn’t even wait for him to ask.  Well, ask explicitly.  The lead up speech and the ring made it all pretty obvious.  “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes,” she said breathlessly and practically leapt onto him, pushing her lips firmly against his.

Bee circled between their legs making excited dog noises as Poe laughed and kissed her back.

“How long do you think it will take them to notice?” Rey asked as he pushed the ring onto her finger.

“I’m sure they already know.  No one’s going to talk about my fancy new job.  It’s going to be all about some crazy, dream wedding.”

“Pft,” Rey scoffed.  “We’re eloping.”

“You’re damn right we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my odd little AU! Hopefully everything tied up nicely and satisfying. :D Thank you again, Dee, for letting me spin the story of you and cactus girl into a Star Wars fanfic. Let me know what you think, or hit me up on [tumblr](http://rinskiroo.tumblr.com/), sometimes I still go there. 😘

**Author's Note:**

> I have made a [Damerey discord](https://discord.gg/Ckjq34T) for these cuties! Come join! :)


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